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Whether you are a mommy or a daddy, you have an unexplainable inner knowledge of what is best for your child as well as what is absolutely NOT.

Sometimes it is a tiny whisper in the back of your brain that suggests you need to talk to your pediatrician. Sometimes it is a lion’s roar screaming, “This is not right for my baby!”

My Mommy Gut sounded off loudly when my son was an infant because his constant crying communicated to me that something was wrong. And there was.

I just found out last week at his first chiropractor appointment that some vertebrae in his neck were twisted sideways most likely since birth. He’s two now!!!

All the ear infections he had were most likely caused by this. Some of his crying was in response to a literal pain in the neck. I found out I was taking him to the wrong place, but my guts were correct in believing there was more going on with my baby than colic.

Dominic has also been fussy into toddlerhood, which obviously isn’t colic at this point. He has a significant speech delay where he tries to speak but does so with his mouth closed.

He can say eat, Baba (Momma), Da Da, sissy (thirsty), unk (milk), ep (help) and sit.

He tried to speak entire sentences but mostly it comes out in a series of muffled vowels with no approximation involved. We see a speech therapist who thinks his stubbornness and low stress tolerance are impeding his ability to speak.

I agree to a point, but my Mommy Gut was telling me to dig further. Looking up speech delay had me reading articles about dairy and gluten sensitivities. As I read more, I discovered that Dominic’s symptoms fit very well into the category of food sensitivity or allergy, specifically symptoms of a dairy issue.

As I am part of a parenting partnership, I have to run these ideas past my husband who doesn’t always see eye to eye with my theories. Our parental guts aren’t always in sync and that is okay.

After taking my son to the chiropractor and discussing my theory with her, she validated my suspicions and suggested we try eliminating dairy for three weeks. She explained how it can take that long to see a difference.

I am elated to be noting an improvement in his speech over the last week! Could this be coincidental? Yes it could. Only time will tell. I’m hoping to see an improvement in his stress tolerance and irritability too so he can be that happy tot I see bits and pieces of every day.

On the subject of fussy behavior, which we’ve been dealing with to a greater or lesser degree for Dominic’s two years of existence, it seems everyone has an opinion on how to handle it. Most of the time, to my shock, people have suggested that my child is manipulating me purposely and that I should, as his mother, practice some ignoring.

My Mommy Gut has always had, and will always have, a huge issue with that. The core of my being, every cell of my body, every belief I have tells me to be here for my child even if he’s flailing around on the floor in fury and won’t stop crying for a half hour straight.

I have tried popular theories like ignoring his tantrums. I have news – My kid has little legs that run right after me if I walk away from him. And he gets even more upset! He will escalate without help. I know this about him. That method might, and probably does work with some toddlers, but not mine.

I believe without question that Dominic has feelings behind his actions that need attention. I don’t give the behavior attention. I focus on his feelings. This is how I will always parent and I think it will be an asset to him as he gets older because he will always know he has someone in his corner.

Not every child grows up feeling like that and trust in others can’t be replaced easily once it is lost.

I will never regret holding my baby too often. That is not going to damage him. That is what my gut tells me and I trust that more than anyone else’s opinion because I have a connection with my child that no one else will ever have. I carried him inside of me, which gives me the right to trust my insides when his needs are concerned.

We all have that innate knowledge- our Parental Gut. I write this to inspire you to trust what you know in your heart is right, and to distrust others advice if you feel it to be wrong for your little one.

Children are not “one-size-fits-all.” I think a holistic approach is the best way to investigate any issue a child is having. Nutrition, nurturing and naps….That’s how I roll with my little guy.

Some days are easier than others, but I will continue to practice what I believe and to trust my gut unless I have a damn good reason not to.

Amanda is the owner of Ready or Not – A Baby Planning Service. She is in love with her toddler and her husband and derives much of her writing inspiration from her family experiences. To learn more about Amanda and what she does to help pregnant and new parents, please check out her website at www.readyornotbabyplanning.com.

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As the parent of a fussy baby who sounded like he was in the worst pain possible for at least a few hours each day, I was confident he had some type of medical issue.

My husband and I dragged our screaming infant to the pediatrician about once a week for a while…pleading for her to do something to help him. Was she sure babies couldn’t have opiates? Absolutely sure?

I never thought I’d feel angry at my baby but to my horror, I did.

I was alone with him a lot and when he would go on one of his jags, it felt like he was yelling at me specifically. With every “WAAAAAAAAH,” I heard “You are missing what is wrong with me. You aren’t helping me. I don’t feel safe. What you are doing isn’t enough! You are a bad mother.”

It was not Dominic’s fault at all and rationally I knew that. I felt such grief for him…that I couldn’t figure out his baby code…that he had to suffer instead.

There was also exhaustion, anger, fear and confusion. I had an overwhelming amount of murky emotions to trudge through each day in my role as Dominic’s mommy and I never knew when my anger switch would flip.

It seemed that when my frustration, fear or hurt got too intense, it would turn to fury instead, as if that were more appropriate – to be angry at my own helpless child. As you may also have experienced, feeling resentment toward Dominic led to an excruciating form of mommy guilt.

Mommy guilt sucks. It fed into the whole cycle.

You would think I would have gone to a counselor with all this darkness inside me, but I didn’t. I barely mentioned it. It was so wrong, I told myself, to feel anything negative toward this innocent baby. But yet I did.

I thought of hurting him sometimes. I would be holding him and feel my whole body tense up with frustration from his cries. And I would think of throwing him. Obviously I didn’t.

I loved my son more than anything, screaming or not. I still do. My emotional response to his crying was a warning sign that I needed more help than I was getting.

What kept me from getting that help was shame.

I was ashamed of how I felt. I thought maybe someone would decide I wasn’t a fit mother or at least not a good mother. I wondered about this myself. Was I a good mother when I was capable of feeling so angry with my newborn?

Looking back on those first few months, I can say, Yes, I was a good mother. I did the best I could. I didn’t harm my son. I researched on the internet everyday and tried all sorts of techniques, swaddling products and food sources.

I slowly, but surely, began to talk to other parents about how I felt, which was validating. I found out that others before me had thought about harming their baby during a crying spree. It is actually during crying spells that most babies are shaken or harmed by frantic parents pushed passed their limits.

Some things that really helped me to get through this “blue period” of parenthood were:

• Doing research on crying, causes, and calming methods.
• Getting empathy and camaraderie from other parents of fussy babies via The Fussy Baby Site.
• Purchasing The Happiest Baby on the Block program and using the 5 S’s (Praise God! Something that actually worked!)
• Talking with my husband about it. We found that we were both feeling angry with him and were able to help each other when one was sounding a little overwhelmed.
• Focusing on the positives of Dominic’s sensitivity. He has an innate sweetness and tenderness to his character and he just draws people to him when he is happy. He has a beautiful soul and  has a lot of passion.
• Getting out of the house with him. It usually distracted him from crying and often he’d fall asleep in the car. Amen to that.
• Singing to him. He would almost always love that- and I will say this confuses me because I am no Janet Jackson. Not even Janis Joplin. I would sing and he would smile at me with such a tenderness like it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever heard. And that would make me smile. It calmed both of us.
• Date night. We had a baby sitter come almost every weekend to spring us so we could go out to a movie/ dinner. It was something we longingly looked ahead to when in the midst of a difficult week. I would highly suggest this to any families who aren’t currently getting out as a couple. Our fussy baby inadvertently fried our nerves like it was his job which often ended up turning us on each other. When we were out together minus the mini, there was time to reconnect and HAVE FUN. It was like vacation.

My intention in this post is to let you know that you are not a bad parent if you are feeling angry with your little one.

It is normal to wish you could trade your baby in for the silent model or to feel resentful at your spouse for leaving you along with him again. It is common to become furious at your baby when the crying won’t stop. You aren’t alone.

And you shouldn’t keep yourself isolated. Keeping all those volatile thoughts inside is the worst thing we can do as parents of challenging babies. It does nothing for the bonding process or the parents/baby as individuals. No one is getting what they need with all that resentment in the way.

Talk to someone about how you are feeling. See a therapist or find a good friend who won’t judge you. I was so surprised how UN-shocked people were when I would tell them how I was REALLY feeling!

A very good mom I know once told me she once fantasized about throwing her colicky son out of his nursery window one sleepless night.

I was so empathetic to that and we actually laughed a little. Thoughts are just that. Thoughts. What counts is that they don’t turn into actions.

Amanda is the owner of Ready or Not – A Baby Planning Service. She is in love with her toddler and her husband and derives much of her writing inspiration from her family experiences. To learn more about Amanda and what she does to help pregnant and new parents, please check out her website at www.readyornotbabyplanning.com.

Photo Credit:  m_bartosch

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As a huge natural living fan, I tend to take a more holistic approach when it comes to parenting, and naturally this includes colic and baby soothing solutions.

Through my learning process, I’ve learned that I made some mistakes. I made them because I didn’t know. That’s what happens when we are parents:

We do the best we can based on what we know.

I encourage you to try not to fault yourselves or feel guilty if you’ve made mistakes too. I call my son the experiment baby.

I am very committed to building on my knowledge of health and safety in my home, foods and products every day. I drive my husband nuts as a matter of fact.

But this is the fact: Babies are born with upwards of 200 chemicals in their cord blood. This is mainly due to what we are exposed to before and during our pregnancies.

One thing I really regret giving up on was breastfeeding. I did it for six weeks and wasn’t given the necessary support to keep trying. Instead it was suggested that he go on Nutramagen. Now that I am out of the rabbit hole so to speak, I can see things for what they are. The best way to nurse a fussy baby is by not giving up.

That being said I do recognize…trust me, I do…that it is very hard not to give up when your baby is screaming way more than smiling.

So I am writing this to you as your personal cheerleader and to let you know that there is more to consider when feeding a fussy baby.

If you are breastfeeding, it is best to live like you are pregnant. Taking care of your body will most often result in proper nourishment for your babe.

As parents of high need children our doctors oftentimes come to the conclusion that our babies are sensitive to our milk. Many times this is true but not for the reasons we may think. It is usually because of what we are consuming rather than because our bodies aren’t able to make milk properly.

They may tell us to remove dairy from our diets, etc, but a lot of us, myself included, end up switching to a hypoallergenic formula with easily digestible proteins.

As nursing mothers, If we notice our babies are struggling, maybe it is dairy. Or maybe there is something else we could be eliminating from our diet. There are still a lot of food sensitivities to consider.

But what about the genetically modified organisms, pesticides and other impurities most of us eat on a daily basis? The best thing we can do for baby while pregnant AND breastfeeding is to eat whole foods that are as organic or locally grown. It makes sense but few of us are being educated on the dangers found in your local grocery store. I think that needs to change. So do many others.

If you take a peek at the Environmental Working Group’s Dirty Dozen list provided here, you can get an idea of what produce should absolutely be organic like apples, strawberries, spinach, celery, blueberries and grapes.

If possible, some things breastfeeding mommies should consider avoiding are:

• Canned foods
• Mercury-rich fish like salmon
• Non-organic commercial dairy and meat
• Produce on the Dirty Dozen List
• Extremely processed foods
• Aspartame
• Splenda

You can also think of these suggestions as a good model for what to feed your infant once you begin feeding solids.

Getting in a variety of nutrients is very easy on a whole foods diet when you consider how many whole foods are ready to eat as is:

• Nuts
• Seeds
• Produce
• Green smoothies (a sure-fire way to get your vitamins and antioxidants in making both of your immune systems unstoppable. I personally love them despite their sinister green appearance.)

While making these changes will likely not ‘cure’ your fussy baby,  at the very least, your bodies will both be less burdened by pesticides and food additives. Because we feel such a lack of control in regards to our babies’ reactions and mood, it is important to focus on things we can do.

I look forward to helping you further on this journey by sharing my experiences with my little screamaholic as well as things you might try to calm yours.

Keeping baby safe from physical stressors like chemicals is a step toward a calmer and happier baby….naturally.

“Action is the best antidote to despair.” ~ Joan Baez

For more information on what I’ve shared with you in this article please see these resources.

http://www.westonaprice.org/childrens-health/recipes-for-homemade-baby-formula

http://www.ewg.org/foodnews/summary/

http://www.epa.gov/pesticides/factsheets/kidpesticide.htm

http://www.nap.edu/openbook.php?record_id=2126&page=323

http://www.socialworktoday.com/archive/marapr2007p37.shtml

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1519860/pdf/envhper00375-0020.pdf

http://www.healthychild.org

http://www.afhh.org/chil_ar/chil_ar_why_children.htm

http://www.neha.org/position_papers/PositionChildren.html

Amanda is the owner of Ready or Not – A Baby Planning Service. She is in love with her toddler and her husband and derives much of her writing inspiration from her family experiences.  Being a mother of a formerly fussy baby, Amanda is very excited to share her story and contribute the Fussy Baby Site’s blog. To learn more about Amanda and what she does to help pregnant and new parents, please check out her website at www.readyornotbabyplanning.com.

Photo Credit: Gammeana

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“Is He a Good Baby?”

As a new mother of a seemingly “good baby” I was happy to answer this question.

“Oh Yes he is! He doesn’t cry very much… mostly he just sleeps in my lap and nurses.”

“Oh that is so nice. You are blessed.”

“Thank you so much. I know. He’s amazing! I believe my World’s Best Baby Maker Award will be arriving in the mail next week.”

This was our new family’s “Honeymoon Period.” Despite recovering from a C-section, I was on a little baby-lovin’ cloud those first few weeks. Honestly, all I had to do was sniff his head and I was high off of my own motherly hormones.

I loved breastfeeding…Talk about feeling loved! I smile just thinking of how happy it made me to nurse Dominic the Good. The problem came as I stopped needing my pain medicine.

Once the Vicoden left my breast milk, my good baby left me as was replaced by Dominic the Not-So-Good. I didn’t view him as meeting the Good Baby standards anymore. He was no longer in a haze but very alert and very angry.

As a new parent set, my husband Chris and I were bewildered by his new attitude – the scrunched, red face and the little flailing limbs. He truly sounded like he was furious with us. We didn’t understand that babies all adjust to change differently and that being born isn’t as easy for some as it is for others.

In the next months I would learn a bottomless pit of information about fussy babies, often from the Fussy Baby Site. Sadly, I couldn’t attempt to explain why Dominic was the way he was to other people without it taking hours.

I felt very sad that he didn’t fit into the extremely narrow borders of the Good Baby box anymore which apparently meant that I needed to drug him. I wanted other people to see him the way that I did because to a passerby he was a fussy baby. That term made me uncomfortable because I heard it as “bad baby.”

The stigma of having a colicky or fussy baby isn’t pleasant because it is often assumed that we are doing something incorrectly. Carrying this stigma is a much heavier load when you care what other people think as much as I do. I cringed when people asked me if he was a good baby once he didn’t fit the bill.

I would say yes, and would feel that I was lying. But I wasn’t, because he was mine and he sure as hell wasn’t a BAD baby. Is there such a thing? No. So why do we ask new mothers this?

I came across a blog post by a woman who was sick of the question “Is he a good baby?” Many of the comments on her post told her that she was too sensitive and that good just meant easy. They said she was over-thinking it. I laughed as I read her post because I could completely relate. I laughed even harder when I read the comments. There is not a doubt in my mind that those same women have asked the good baby question…every time they see a new baby.

As parents of fussy, colicky and high need babies we hear a lot of unhappy baby vocalizations. Unwanted comments and advice often follow when we are in public. We are worn thin many times and consequently – Yes! We are sensitive on the topic. That’s to be expected. Who wouldn’t be?

I felt very inadequate when I wasn’t able to sooth my son’s cries, which was most of the time. I felt jealous of parents who had easy babies. His first 6 months were ridiculously difficult, but we came out the other side alive and he is a great little toddler!

This too shall pass but until it does…

The good baby question is one that people ask without thinking (just like the “are you pregnant with twins” question).

We should try to have a thick skin about it I suppose, but it’s okay if it ticks us off too!

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