Who doesn’t need another tool in their arsenal of anti-tantrum strategies?

I recently came across the idea of the Wheel of Choice. It comes from the positive discipline model of parenting, and helps kids learn that they have power to make a conscious decision when they’re feeling overwhelmed, angry, or frustrated. When kids aren’t taught strategies for coping with these intense emotions, the default behaviours can be undesirable: hitting, screaming, yelling, tantrums, or fighting.

Creating and using a Wheel of Choice gives young kids strategies for problem solving that they may not otherwise have.

I’m excited to try this with Sammy who’s now 5.5 years old. While he’s come a long way in figuring out how to handle his emotions, I don’t think it will hurt to offer him new strategies for dealing with his disappointments, frustrations, and hurts, all of which he feels intensely.

Wheel of Choice Examples

Choices You Can Include on the Wheel

Pretty much anything you can think of that would help channel intense emotions in appropriate ways could be on the wheel. Some ideas could be:

• Walk away
• Have a drink of water
• Share a toy
• Cuddle
• Read a book
• Hitting your pillow
• Deep breathing (our kids like this one)
• Count to ten
• Go to a quiet place
• Listen to music
• Color a picture
• Use playdoh (tactile activities are great distractions for spirited kids)
• Take a bath
• Talk about your feelings (“I feel so sad that I can’t use that toy”)

For older kids, actual strategies for dealing with interpersonal conflict could also be included:

• Say sorry
• Ask if you can have a turn
• Choose a different toy
• Ask them to stop
• Express your feelings
• Draw your feelings
• Think of a new activity and move on

Other Types of Wheels

Perhaps outside of the realm of positive parenting, I thought this wheel of choice was pretty cool for toddlers and preschoolers.

Using the wheel in this way, you’re not addressing anger issues, but helping your toddler feel a sense of empowerment as they go about their daily routines.

You’ve probably already figured out that with spirited kids, transitions are a big deal. They need routine, structure and lots of advance warning when an activity is going to begin or end.

I can see this being a great way to avoid frustration or tantrums. We’ve done something similar with our kids, although not in the shape of a wheel:

(No comments on my drawing abilities)

These are all the activities that need to take place before our daughter walks out the door in the morning. She’s 8 years old, but you could easily tailor this to toddlers by including activities like brushing teeth, eating breakfast, getting dressed, etc.

By putting some power in their hands, you can hopefully avoid some tantrums, and at the same time, teach your toddler strategies for problem solving.

I’d love to know if I’ve inspirited you to try making your own wheel of choice. Tell me about it in the comments below!

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I recently came across the Miracle Baby Sleep System by a company called SmartWav.

I have to admit, my first reaction was scepticism…mainly due to the ‘miracle’ in the name. I gave up long ago on finding a miracle cure for colic, fussiness, and sleeplessness.

However I’ve been testing this system recently, and must say that I’m intrigued. I assumed it was just another white noise CD, however after receiving the system in the mail, reading through their literature, and trying it out myself, I discovered this is a highly credible product. And NOT just white noise.

The Miracle Baby Sleep System, newly released in 2011, is actually a highly accurate reproduction of the sound of the womb. As we know, especially with fussy and colicky babies, the transition from womb to world can be a difficult one. All the products and techniques we use to calm our fussy babies centre on helping to recreate the experience of the womb: Swaddling, bouncing, movement, and of course, white noise.

This is NOT a gimmick. That is often my first thought when I discover a new product that makes these kinds of claims. However this system has won all sorts of extremely reputable awards and accolades:

• The iParent Media Award
• The iParent Media HOT Award
• Deemed a ‘Top Pick’ by Parenting Magazine
• CD of the year by Creative Child Magazine
• Deemed “Astounding”, James Cameron of Titanic
• Seal of Approval from The National Parenting Center

What Is the Baby Sleep System Exactly?

I was confused about this at first.

Is it a white noise CD? Is it a recording of the womb? Is it a compilation of lullabies?

The Miracle Baby Sleep System features Womb Effect technology which is a reproduction of the sounds of the womb, underwater. This is what your baby would have heard while in utero.

This is NOT white noise. It is a low frequency rumble sound, just like your baby heard in the womb. Their website describes the difference between white noise and the sounds used in this system:

When I buy a product, especially online, I HAVE to have positive testimonials. I have to say, I’m impressed with the testimonials on this one! These testimonials are not just from random anonymous people, but from physicians, NICU nurses, and celebrities willing to put their name and reputation behind the product:

We began using the BabySleep System audio track with one of our chronic NICU patients. To my great surprise,the infant began to sleep so much better and began to focus and concentrate during play. It seemed that since we began using the music, it unleashed his creativity.”
- Theresa Frasier BSN, RN – OU Medical Center NICU

“It’s astounding how our new baby calms, falls asleep, and stays asleep.”
- James Cameron & Suzy Amis

“The first night we used the CD! (still in our room), not only did our new daughter sleep through the night but I got the best night sleep since she was born! Thank you so much for putting out such a great product.”
- Kevin Russell, Graphic Designer for Deepak Chopra and Vikki Abrams

“For what it’s worth, I’m not a salesman – just a desperate parent! I had to go back to work this week, and last night I just started crying because the situation was untenable – for all of us. This morning, I bought womb sounds and music from the Baby Sleep System and put it on right by her crib and put her down. Of course, she started crying. But I waited in the other room, determined to give it at least the five minutes.At minute four, it was totally quiet. Of course, I rushed in to make sure she was still breathing. She was! Fast asleep! This is a baby who would NEVER sleep without being swaddled and binkied, and who is a determined crier!”
- Jan S., Baby Center.com Forums

“My God, if you can, take stock in this company! Harlequin was crying and nothing was helping (food, burping, walking, diapers etc.) so we put in the Baby Sleep System CD, and – I’m not exaggerating – within 10 seconds she was completely calm and falling asleep. It was absolutely astounding”.
- Michelle M., Editor of EContent & Intranets Online

The Technology Behind the Baby Sleep System

What You Get When Your Order the System

When I received the system in the mail, I found not one but FOUR CD’s included. I was again, a bit confused (I guess I get easily confused ).

Turns out, this is why it’s called a system and not just a CD. Here is what the system consists of:

Research on the Miracle Baby Sleep System

This was one of the clinchers for me. There is actual, clinical research about to be done on this system.

Early observations from 3 US hospitals have shown:

• Deeper and more prolonged sleep in infants
• Accelerated growth and development in preemies
• Improved brain function in brain damaged infants.

Cost of the System

When I thought this was just another white noise CD, honestly, I thought the price was too high. $59.97 for a white noise CD when you can download them online for $2.99 obviously seemed steep.

However after learning about the technology involved in this system, the research being done into it, the success stories from parents and professionals, and the fact that this technology isn’t available in any other product or system, the price seems very reasonable to me.

Final Thoughts About the Miracle Baby Sleep System

As I mentioned before, I am always sceptical about new products claiming to be help with sleeplessness. I myself tried so many products when Sammy was a baby, and so many were quite frankly, duds!

However after spending a significant amount of time reviewing this product, the technology behind it, the testimonials from parents, physicians and NICU nurses, and the fact that clinical trials will be starting soon for this product, I have to say that if I were to have another baby I would definitely try this product.

Buy the Miracle Baby Sleep System Now

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Turns out, fussy babies often become fussy toddlers. And one component of this fussiness is picky eating (anyone surprised? Didn’t think so).

Both my kids were fussy eaters as toddlers. I wish I had understood then what I know now: They didn’t die of picky eating, they didn’t experience failure to thrive, and they’re turning out to be relatively decent eaters (relatively being the operative word).

Sammy is still a fussy eater. I’ve pretty much given up making him eat potatoes because the past 3 times we’ve insisted he eat them, he THREW THEM UP. I’m all for being firm and everything, but I’m letting go of enforcing the whole ‘you have to eat at least 1 bite of everything‘ rule. At least when it comes to potatoes.

Anyways, below are some tips I’ve gleaned from healthcare professionals, friends, my own experience, Dr. Harvey Karp, and Dr. Jack Newman. I’d love to hear if you have any other tips, in the comments below!

Tips for Fussy Eaters

Present the food in an appealing way

I think sometimes we forget that toddlers are little people, with their own preferences, and their own sense of aesthetics (maybe not the same as ours, but still).

I know I’m guilty of this at times: I assume that because I like a certain food, I can throw it in front of them and expect them to be excited about it. Remember that they’re just learning about healthy eating habits, and are constantly experiencing new foods for the first time.

Impress them! Present the food on a fun, colourful plate. Use cookie cutters to cut out their bread, meat or cheese. Talk about why you love that food, why it’s good for our bodies, tell them about the first time you tried that food.

Offer a variety of foods in very small portions

A serving size for a toddler is remarkably small. For instance, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, a serving size of vegetables for a toddler is 1-2 TBSP, one serving of grains is 1/4-1/2 piece of bread, and a serving of meat is only one ounce.

When you dish out your toddlers plate at a meal, put tiny amounts of each food on the plate. That way if they don’t like a particular food, they know it’s only 1 or 2 bites and it’s gone. If there’s something they love, they can always ask for more.

Limit the snacks and drinks

This is a big one we noticed with Sammy. He LOVES to drink milk and juice, and if we let him, he’d be drinking it all day. Problem is, when he drinks between meals, he’s not hungry for dinner. So in our house, if you’re thirsty between meals, you drink water.

Same goes for snacks. Try to institute regular snack times, rather than just a ‘give him a snack because he asked for one‘ policy. Be mindful of giving snacks too close to mealtime, *especially* when you know that what’s on the menu isn’t going to be a favourite.

When you have a toddler who’s a fussy eater, I know how tempting it can be to just dish out the snacks whenever the mood strikes him. But part of teaching healthy eating habits is learning that we eat at regular intervals.

[edited to add: What I'm referring to above are unhealthy snacks. Kids should have access to healthy snacks like fruits and veggies whenever they're feeling hungry].

Give foods different names

We found that by telling Sammy the clear liquid in his water bottle was ‘power juice’, he gulped it down. Cutting his whole grain toast into little strips and calling them ‘dragon fingers’ has made them a favourite.

I’m not saying lie to your kid and tell her it’s something other than what it is, but there’s nothing wrong with adding a little mystery, a little pizazz, or a clever little back story to a food.

A favourite in our house are ‘snack plates‘. You can serve pretty much anything on a snack plate, and the kids will eat it. Give them a sandwich with meat and cheese, they scoff. Give them 2 pieces of buttered bread cut up into little pieces, cubes of cheese, and ham cut out into the shape of a dinosaur, and they devour it.

Some food ideas for snack plates: Cut up apples or bananas, a small bowl of yogurt (put on the plate. It IS a snack plate, after all), cheese, crackers, whole grain toast or bread, rolled up deli ham or turkey, carrot or cucumber sticks with dip, pepperoni sticks, cheese strings, leftover meat cut up into cubes, apple sauce. And always on a snack plate, one small treat like a cookie or a candy, which can be eaten at any time, even before the healthy stuff. I’ve noticed my kids sometimes even save their treat for the end. LOVE that they’re learning delayed gratification at such a young age!

Avoid sugary cereals and other high-carb snacks

Not that these are always bad, but they may be filling up your toddler’s tummy to the point that she just doesn’t want that apple you’ve cut up for her. High carbohydrate snacks like cheerios, crackers, and teething biscuits may be very palatable to your little one, but they may also leave her wanting more of the same. Then when you offer that avocado, what do you think she’s going to choose?

You can’t force a kid to eat

Your power as a parent only goes so far. Yes, you can model healthy eating. Yes, you can offer her nutritious foods. Yes, you can set and enforce guidelines.

What you can’t do is make them eat. If a toddler doesn’t want to eat something, they won’t. Simple as that. If you they want to, they’ll throw it up. What you can do is say, ‘If you really don’t want to eat those peas, that’s OK. We don’t have cookies until all our healthy food is gone, but if you’d rather not eat the peas, that’s your decision.’

Choose your battles wisely

Keep things in perspective. Yes, it’s important to teach good table manners and healthy eating habits. Yes, it’s important for kids to try new foods, and to develop an appreciation for nutritious foods.

But is Thanksgiving dinner with 20 relatives sitting around the table the time to teach these lessons? Or after you’ve had a really long, hard day at work?

Go easy on yourself. Go easy on your toddler.

The best advice I ever got was from a public health nurse when my daughter was about 13 months old. Aliya hadn’t been eating much of anything, and I was worried she would waste away, or learn bad eating habits, or worse yet – wake up in the night hungry.

She told me this:

“It’s YOUR job to present the food in an appealing way. It’s THEIR job to eat it.”

I think this is great advice to take to heart. We can do our best, but ultimately it’s up to our child.

Do you have any tips you use to get your fussy toddler to eat? Share them with us below!

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Do you wear your baby?

Parents of fussy, colicky and high need babies often report that their babies do best when they’re being carried or held. Although at first they may resist (strongly) being in a sling, wrap or carrier, many will settle in after a bit of convincing.

Because these babies often resist change or transitions of any kind, it’s no big surprise they would appear to dislike being in a sling or carrier.

However if you can manage to figure out a process to convince your little one that this “REALLY IS just like being back in mommy’s tummy”, I promise, your life just got a lot easier.

How to Wear a Fussy Baby

My son at first appeared to HATE being in a sling or carrier. We tried many different kinds (ring sling, pouch sling, soft carrier, etc.) and he would scream bloody murder when we put him in.

BUT, I was determined to make this babywearing thing work. I saw so many moms at the park and mall wearing their newborn so they would have their hands free to deal with their older kid(s), and I wanted that.

After more than a few attempts, we finally figured out a process that worked to get Sammy into the carrier, and it actually quickly became a lifeline for me. I could again take my daughter to the park, playgroups, and on walks, and not have to worry about Sammy squawking the entire time.

I would argue however, that wearing a fussy baby is NOT the same as wearing an ‘easy’ baby.

‘Easy’ babies tend to settle in immediately, content just to be close to mommy (or daddy). ‘Fussy’ babies on the other hand, tend to protest loudly being squished into a carrier. Mind you, these babies often protest pretty much everything, so this is not a big surprise.

That said, here are a few tips you can try to convince your fussy baby that she loves being worn!

Expect Some Crying (Actually LOTS of crying)

Don’t expect that as soon as he or she goes into the carrier, the crying and fussing will stop. In many cases, it will actually ramp up for the first few minutes. Your instinct may be to say, ‘Well, we’ve tried it, and she hates it‘, and take her out. This is what I did with my daughter, and I regret it now.

Going into the carrier is a transition, so expect your little one to react to it as they would to any other transition (diaper change, going into the car seat, getting dressed, etc.).

Now’s your chance to convince her she LOVES it (and maybe even that it was HER idea in the first place).

The Bounce and Butt Pat

This was the first stage in my babywearing routine. Once he’s in the carrier, chances are, he’s going to be FUMING MAD.

Walking around with him at this point is probably not going to calm him down. You’re going to need to take it to the next level: Bounce at the knees while briskly patting his butt. A loud ‘shushing’ in his ear also helps at this point.

Go Outside

If possible, go outside at this point, even if you weren’t planning to leave the house. Something about the cool air, the different sights, smells and sounds can work in your favour here.

Continue the bounce and butt pat as you walk around outside. Just DON’T. STOP. MOVING!

Which brings me to the last stage of the fussy babywearing process:

DON’T STOP MOVING

Like, NEVER stop moving.

Tiring? Yes. Look kind of weird? Absolutely. Necessary? Definitely.

Unlike with easy babies, you may find that as soon as you stop moving your little one wakes up, screaming. So, you may not be able to sit on the park bench while wearing your baby, but I bet you’re OK with that, given the alternative.

Moby Wrap Giveaway

So, are you ready to try wearing your fussy baby?

Well.ca has generously offered to award one our Canadian readers a Moby Wrap carrier from their website, up to a $79.99 value. Contest closes Monday, March 26 at 5pm PST. You’re eligible for this contest if you:

• Are a Canadian resident (excluding Quebec)
• Are the age of majority in your province or territory
• Haven’t won anything from Well.ca in the past 12 months
• Have joined The Fussy Baby Site mailing list (we *never* spam). Click here to join.

To enter, you just need to tell us why you love wearing your baby  - or if you haven’t tried it yet, why not?

*Extra entry by tweeting this post or sharing it on Facebook. Leave an extra comment for each time you share*

Leave your answer in the comments below!

Contest posted on Canada Freebies & Contest Canada

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*Edited to add: The Fisher Price Aquarium Cradle Swing is no longer available for sale, however Fisher Price makes a wide variety of cradle swings with the same functionality as the Aquarium Swing. See below for a complete list of available cradle swings.

I’ve never done a product review on the blog before, but after researching many of the baby swings on the market, I felt I wanted to give a review of this one.

There are so many super-cool looking swings available right now. Swings with MP3 and IPod connectors, swings that move in different directions, swings that claim to replicate the feeling of being in mom’s arms.

But after my own experiences trying different swings, and after surveying the parents on our Facebook page, I’m realizing there are precious few that consistantly work to really soothe babies.

My Experience with the Fisher Price Aquarium Cradle Swing

If you’ve already looked around the site, you’ll know that my son, Sammy, was extremely fussy from the moment he was born. He had troubles feeding, sleeping, and basically just being alive. For at least his first 6 weeks, when he was awake, he was crying (actually screaming would be a better word).

I tried everything to get him to sleep — The crib, my lap, co-sleeping, the bouncy seat, the bassinet, the car, the stroller. For his first few weeks, we struggled with not only getting him to fall asleep, but to stay asleep. We’d finally manage to get him to sleep using elaborate soothing techniques, only to have him wake up screaming 45 minutes later.  I seriously thought I was losing my mind.

I remember one particularly bad night trying for hours to get Sammy to fall asleep for the night. It was well after midnight, and I paced around the living room carrying him, nursing him, swaddling him, trying anything I could think of to get him to sleep. He was so obviously overtired, and yet he was fighting sleep so badly.

Finally I had had enough. It wasn’t an intellectual, ‘He should go to sleep now, I need to teach him‘ type of situation. It was a ‘I can’t take another second of this crying. I NEED to take a break or I don’t know what I’m going to do‘ type of situation.

So I wrapped him up, put him in the cradle swing, turned on the white noise as loud as it would go, set the swing speed to the highest setting, and said, ‘Good night, Sammy‘.

I went upstairs, fully expecting to take a 10 minute breather and then return to try again. But, after 5 minutes, I thought I heard an extremely strange and foreign sound — SILENCE.

I was sure I was imagining it, but I tiptoed to Sammy’s room to investigate. He was FAST ASLEEP.

I couldn’t believe it. I had tried for 3 hours that night to get him to fall asleep (never mind STAY asleep, just fall asleep!), and now, after leaving him in the swing for 5 minutes, he had fallen asleep on his own. I was in shock.

I snuck back quietly to my room to report the situation to my extremely-surprised husband (we did a lot of tag-teaming in those days). Not knowing how long this miracle would last, we turned off the lights and tried to get some sleep.

Guess how long Sammy slept that night?

12 HOURS STRAIGHT. Just swinging away.

He continued to sleep in his cradle swing for naps and nighttime sleep, always with the speed at the highest setting, until he outgrew it.

About the Fisher Price  Aquarium Cradle Swing

Fisher Price has a huge selection of themed cradle swings, and it’s my understanding that all these swings are the same functionally. It can be confusing as they seem to go by different names, including: Cradle swing, Cradle ‘n Swing, 2-in-1 Cradle Swing, and Open-Top Cradle Swing.

From what I can tell, the Fisher Price Cradle Swings all have very similar features, as listed below. Differences may include more or less sound options, and different mobile functions. All the other features appear to be the same. (*I have asked Fisher Price if this is indeed the case, and will update this post when I hear back).

The various Cradle Swing themes are:

• Sugar Plum Starlight
• My Little Lamb
• Ocean Wonders
• Starlight Papasan Cradle Swing
• Zen Collection Cradle Swing
• Aquarium Swing
• Rainforest Open-Top Cradle Swing
• My Little Snuggabunny
• Precious Planet Blue Sky Cradle Swing
• Scatterbug
• Luv U Zoo
• How Now Brown Cow
• Mocha Butterfly
• Cradle-n-Swing Fun Park Swing
• Scatterbug Cradle Swing
• Tree Party, and
• My Little Sweetie.

Features

• Can swing side-to-side or front-to-back
• 6 speeds (and the fast is NICE and FAST!)
• 6, 8. 12 or 16 sounds and songs (depending on model)
• Motorized mobile with lights for entertaining and distracting
• Seat reclines in 2 positions
• 3 point restraint
• Seat cover is removable for washing
• Option to plug-in or use batteries (mine was an older generation and only took batteries)

Demo of the Fisher Price Aquarium Cradle Swing

Pro’s of the Cradle Swing

• One of the few swings that actually swings fast enough for fussy or colicky babies
• 25 lb weight limit is one of the industry’s highest
• Fussy babies need variety – Love that with this swing they can swing in 2 directions
• Folds for easy storage
• Mobile is a nice distraction for baby as he/she falls asleep

Con’s of the Cradle Swing

• Have heard reports of the motor giving out (however have also heard Fisher Price is good about sending you a new motor if this happens)
• Would be nice if sounds lasted longer
• Motor for mobile is a little loud (but Sammy didn’t seem to mind)

What We Experienced When Using the Fisher Price Cradle Swing*

• Less frequent wakings
• Longer naps and longer stretches of sleep at night
• Increased ability to self-soothe (or I guess you could say the swing soothed him)
• Less sensitive to household noise when sleeping (in the crib he would wake at the drop of the hat)

*Every baby is different, however I have heard from other parents who also have had these same results.

Overall, I would most definitely recommend the Fisher Price Cradle Swing. If I had another baby (fussy or not), this is the swing I would get. I like that it’s available in a wide range of colours and designs, however the main reasons I recommend it are that the high swing speed, loud sound volume, and the ability to swing in 2 directions are unique features in this market.

Click here to buy the Fisher Price Cradle Swing

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Some of my worst memories from when my kids were babies are related to sleep.

I’m pretty sure I have a tiny bit of PTSD from listening to them cry in their cribs and having NO CLUE what to do about it.

Now and again I find myself thinking, ‘I should have just relaxed and not made such a big deal out of it‘. But if I let myself remember for a moment what it was like holding and rocking a cranky, overtired, sleep-resisting, squirmy, sweaty baby, I remember why I couldn’t ‘just relax‘.

One memory comes back to me vividly and often: Aliya was about 6 months old, and as usual was resisting her nap. I had sat with her in the rocking chair for probably an hour, and the crying was just intensifying. Her little eyes were red and puffy, and it was obvious she was desperately overtired. But yet she fought.

Finally I put her in her crib, shut the door, and slid down the wall next to her room until I was in a heap on the floor. She was screaming in her bed, and I cried right along with her. After a while of this, our upstairs landlord even called to make sure everything was OK. No, it wasn’t OK at all…I was exhausted, at the end of my rope, and had no idea how to help her sleep.

So, I won’t say I have the answer for how to get your baby to sleep. There is no one answer. And with fussy babies, you all know that what works today often won’t work tomorrow.

That said, there are some basic strategies I believe often help, and can’t hurt to try. At the very least, it will give you something to try if you’re in that place of desperation.

Try an Ultra-Early Bedtime

My daughter sucked at napping until she was about a year old. But one thing she did well right from about 6 weeks on was to sleep well at night (maybe because she was so exhausted from not napping).

We noticed that the evenings were when she was at her fussiest, and really, she was just unmanageable at times. She was so obviously tired, but we were scared to put her down too early for fear she would wake up a couple of hours later, or wake up ultra-early the next morning.

What we found however, was that she usually went to sleep much easier, usually didn’t wake up several hours later, and actually SLEPT IN LATER the next morning. I have heard the same story time and time again from parents.

Marc Weissbluth, author of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and Your Fussy Baby talks about giving your sleep-resisting baby a chance to catch up on sleep at the beginning of the night, rather than expecting them to sleep in later in the morning (because we know that just doesn’t happen).

Aliya’s standard bedtime was around 6pm AIC (ass-in-crib), or even earlier if she was extra-fussy. When Sammy came along, we used an early bedtime for him as well (not right at the beginning, but once he had a bit more of a routine).

He has always been an early-riser (sometimes 4-5am), so if we didn’t give him an early bedtime, he would have been even more sleep-deprived (Note: Sam is 5 now, and regularly sleeps in until 7-8am. There is hope!).

Shorten the Amount of Awake Time Between Naps

Especially at the beginning, you’d be surprised at how much sleep these little ones actually need to function properly.

Sure, if you have an ‘easy baby’, you can get awake with a few hours of awake time. But with fussy babies, I’d definitely say the shorter, the better.

As newborns, they may only be able to handle 20 minutes of awake, alert time, and then it’s time to soothe them back to sleep (especially if it takes a while to soothe them). As they get a bit bigger, 30-60 minutes, and even as older babies, some kids can only handle 1.5 hours of awake time before going down again.

It’s crazy, but true. At least this is the way it was with mine.

If your baby is resisting naps but is obviously overtired and needs to sleep, try reducing their awake time until you notice they fall asleep a little easier. Now you’re getting closer to figuring out how long they can comfortably be awake.

Cat-Napper? Put Him or Her Down More Often

Although Sammy was the ultimate fusspot, naps were one of his (few) strong suits. I knew that if I wore him in a sling and kept moving, he would usually get the sleep he needed.

Aliya on the other hand, would not sleep in a car, plane, train, carrier, sling, in my bed, or anywhere but her crib. By herself (one of the few exceptions is the picture above).

And during the day, she would nap 45 minutes – never a minute more, never a minute less. And when she would wake up, she was just as fussy as when she went down.

And basically because I couldn’t deal with being with a baby who was grumpy ALL DAY, I would put her down for 4 45-minute naps each nap. Mainly because I needed the break. It was torture having to go through our elaborate soothing routine 4 times a day, but I strongly believed that sleep begets sleep, and if I just gave up and let her stay awake, her sleep would spiral out of control.

I know if you have older kids, it may not be possible for you to do this. But I’d encourage to keep trying to help them get their rest, any way you can.

Which brings us to my last strategy…

Do Whatever it Takes to Help Your Child Sleep

Will your baby sleep beside you? On top of you? Attached to you? Let him.

What about in the car, stroller, or carrier? Do it.

Don’t worry about people criticizing you or saying you’re spoiling him. Fussy babies have trouble self-soothing, yet they need sleep more than other babies. Do whatever you have to do.

There comes a time when they’re a bit older when it’s time to help them learn to self-soothe, fall asleep on their own, etc, etc., but when they’re really little and fussy, you have enough to worry about. Don’t even worry about it until your baby is at least 6-8 months old (this is my personal opinion, I know some would disagree).

We laid down with Sammy until he was about 2.5, but you know what? He slept. We all slept. And then when we stopped being able to sleep, he was old enough that we could gently teach him how to fall asleep on his own.

While I know you can’t ‘just relax’, do try to remember that this stage will pass. It ALWAYS does.

Don’t feel guilty about ‘spoiling them’, teaching bad habits, or doing whatever it is your gut tells you is right. Sometimes these are the only ways to survive this stage of infant-hood.

Are you struggling with sleep issues? Have you tried any of the strategies above? Do they work for you?

Need personalized sleep-strategies for your baby? We recommend Rebecca Michi – She specializes in helping you help your fussy or high-need baby sleep, without crying it out. Contact her today!

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Hi! My name is Holly, what’s yours?

I’m 35 years old, and mom to two awesome kids, ages 5 and 7. I’ve been married to a wonderful, supportive man for 13 years. I attribute much of our success at marriage to the fact that he’s a Psychologist.

Now that my kids are both in school, I’m able to focus on my career, and am LOVING it! Besides running this site, I do freelance writing and web marketing for individuals and companies.

I’m thankful to be through the baby stage of life. Very, very thankful. I love my kids like crazy, but I don’t miss the newborn stage. At all.

Like many of you, the baby days were full of carrying, bouncing, distracting, rocking, crying, fussing, and just a whole lot of work.

Before being a mom, I envisioned lazy days of curling up on the couch with my baby, meeting friends for lunch (the baby sitting contentedly in the high chair), little baby giggles and coos (aren’t those the BEST sounds in the world?), and generally just incorporating my kids into my already full life.

My daughter, while not extremely fussy, did not like to cuddle, hardly even liked to be held, and even now at 7 years old, is very independent and not especially affectionate. And those baby giggles? It was like pulling teeth to get that child to smile, never mind laugh.

You’re probably tired of hearing about my son as a baby, but obviously since he was the inspiration for this site, you can imagine he was pretty fussy. He’s 5 now, and he’s completely awesome. He’s also one of the most sensitive and spirited kids I’ve ever met – which is excellent because it means he’s super fun and charming. And not so excellent when it comes to telling him he needs to clean up his room, or when his sister ‘looks at him the wrong way‘.

But seriously, I wouldn’t change a thing about him.

So what about you?  What brought you to this site?

I’m guessing it’s because:

1. Your baby is a couple of months old, and things are not going like you imagined. He or she cries more than other babies, maybe all day, or maybe just in the evenings. In any case, you’re exhausted and frustrated, and are wondering how you’re going to get through the next weeks without losing your mind. Or,
2. Your baby is a little older – say, 7 or 8 months – and while he or she doesn’t cry all the time anymore, you are still constantly ‘on’ – entertaining, distracting, carrying, wearing. Your little one is likely not sleeping through the night, and may have very short naps. He or she keeps you on your toes, and while you have definitely fallen in love, you wish things could be easier. What you wouldn’t give for an entire night of uninterrupted sleep! Or,
3. Your baby is now a toddler, and while this stage is so much easier than the newborn stage, you’ve hit the terrible two’s at full speed (and probably way before 2 – as early as 13-15 months). You’re coming to terms with the fact that your toddler is more intense, more energetic, and more sensitive than other kids. You are finding you need to be more creative, more flexible, and more in tune with your child’s needs. Your child is teaching you how to be a better parent.

I would love to know more about you.

If you’ve been following this blog but have never commented, NOW’S the time.

How old are your kids?

What’s the biggest challenge you face on a day to day basis?

What can we do to help you?

Your turn!

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High need babies and toddlers are notorious for needing lots of help to stay entertained.

When my (non-high-need) daughter was a baby, she could sit for up to an hour quietly looking at books. Sammy? Not so much. Aliya loved the exersaucer, watching me make dinner, and playing with her toys. Sammy might find something entertaining one day, but not the next. Hard to predict what would keep him happy. And usually he could play on his own for 5-10 minutes, max.

I have often seen friends who were able to put their little one in a playpen with a few toys, and bought themselves half an hour to clean the kitchen. Or they put their baby on a blanket in the living room, and are able to tend to their other kids. These were not things I could have done with Sammy.

I did mange to come up with a few ideas however, for how to keep Sammy entertained so I could check my email, take a shower, or get dinner made. Hopefully one of these works for your little one!

How to Take a Shower

Did you ever think you’d have to come up with tricks to take a shower?

If your baby is a bit older and able to sit, bring them in the shower with you. Put them down with a few bath toys in an area where they aren’t getting doused with water. Not ideal, but works in a pinch.

What I usually did was bring Sammy in the bathroom (but not in the shower), put him in his car seat or exersaucer and then decide I was going to take a shower, regardless of whether he cried or not. You deserve to at least get in a hot shower every day. For your own self-preservation, determine that you are allowed a shower, whether your baby cries or not. He will be OK.

I usually found that the sound of the shower, coupled with our LOUD bathroom fan calmed him enough that he didn’t usually cry while I was in there. And when he did, I tried not to worry about it.

How to Make Dinner

My default trick was to put Sammy in a backpack carrier while I made dinner. I wouldn’t recommend a front carrier or you’ll have to be constantly watching to make sure she doesn’t burn her hands!

I had to keep bouncing and moving, but he seemed to like being in the middle of the action, and close to mommy.

When Sammy got a bit older, letting him destroy the tupperware cupboard bought me a few minutes. Yes, it was a pain to clean up after, but it allowed me a few extra minutes.

Letting him “help” me make dinner is a trick I still use at times. I would give him a carrot and a plastic knife and ask him to help me. I would also cut up small pieces of whatever I was making and let him snack on them while he sat in his high chair.

How to Clean the House

I’m not talking the whole house here. With a high need baby, be prepared for the fact your house is going to be in a perpetual state of chaos (for now). But there are ways you can buy yourself enough time to, say, clean the toilet or even the whole bathroom (gasp!).

Here is my #1 trick:

Strip him down (diaper and all) and turn on LOUD upbeat music.

This works best when they aren’t mobile, otherwise you may have a mess to clean up after. Before they are mobile however, you can lay them on a towel to catch any accidents.

Of course either being naked or using loud music will work, but using both in combination worked best for us. Somehow the feeling of freedom and the distraction of the music bought me some extra time.

When I really needed to get something done, I would sometimes give Sammy something “forbidden” to play with, like the TV remote or a cell phone. As is the case with many high need babies, he always preferred to play with real household items rather than toys.

For older toddlers, try letting them vacuum for you! Turn on the vacuum and ask them to do it for you. Newborns may also be soothed by the sound of the vacuum, especially if you vacuum while wearing them in a carrier.

The most important thing to remember with a colicky or high need baby is that for right now, you will not be able to get long stretches of time to yourself. And what works one day may not work the next.

If you (and your partner) can try to let go of the expectation that you will be a cleaning dynamo right now, it will release you from a bit of the guilt and pressure you may otherwise feel.

As your baby gets more verbal, more mobile, and more independent, he or she will also get better at playing independently. In the meantime, trying to accept that your #1 job is to simply be with your little one may help a bit.

How do you keep your high need baby entertained? Any tips you want to share?

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Many babies need help falling or staying asleep. As they get older, they sometimes need help learning how to fall or stay asleep. That’s just part of our role as parents.

But having a fussy or high need baby is a whole different ballgame. One of the most common traits of high need babies is disrupted sleep, marked by trouble settling, inability to self-soothe, and sleeping in short stretches.

I have read pretty much every infant sleep book ever written, and since dealing with our daughter’s sleep issues 7 years ago, thought I was prepared for Sammy’s. The problem is that high need babies haven’t read the books. And even if they had, chances are they wouldn’t play by those rules.

For some time, I have been looking for an infant sleep consultant who specializes in working with fussy, colicky and high need babies.

When parents ask me who I recommend to help them figure out their baby’s sleep, I want to be able to recommend someone who knows that high need babies need a different approach to sleep training. This means no cry-it-out (I’m not unilaterally opposed to letting a baby cry at times, I just know that this approach generally doesn’t work with high need babies.)

Enter, Rebecca Michi. I’ve spent some time talking with Rebecca about her experience as an infant sleep consultant, and her approach to working with high need babies. I was excited to learn that 9/10 of the babies Rebecca has worked with are high need. Rebecca knows what works and what doesn’t work with these feisty and determined babies.

Rebecca is the Founder of the Finally Get Some Sleep coaching program, as well as the host of the Rebecca Michi radio parenting show. She is also a member of the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, and of the National Sleep Foundation.

I know that hiring a sleep consultant is a big deal, so over the coming months I will be helping you get to know Rebecca and her approach to sleep training. Trusting someone with your baby’s sleep is huge!

(Check out her testimonials page to see what parents say about working with her).

Stay tuned for Rebecca’s first guest post on our blog tomorrow, Sleep (or Lack Thereof) and the High Need Baby.

Full disclosure: If you sign up to receive a sleep consultation package with Rebecca, we receive a portion of the fee. However, I only work with affiliates who I can heartily recommend. The reputation of The Fussy Baby Site depends on it!

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If you’re at all like me, you head straight for your computer when you have a problem.

When Sammy was a newborn, we scoured the Internet for information related to colic, fussiness, and crying. We were trying to figure out:

What’s normal, and what’s a problem?

How can we make him more comfortable?

Are we doing something that could be making this worse for him?

I found online discussion boards helpful as I didn’t know anyone in real life who had a baby like Sam. I would read through posts and try to find babies with similar issues, and then try to diagnose Sam based on those. Mostly I just found it comforting that others had gone through it and had survived.

There were a number of websites I turned to during that time that were extremely helpful. I thought I would share this list with you, and also ask if there are any I’m missing that you have found useful.

Ask Dr. Sears

Hands down the best website I have found. When I first read Dr. Sears’ article on High Need Babies, I had an ah-ha moment. I wasn’t a bad mom, I wasn’t doing anything wrong, and there was nothing wrong with Sammy. There were, in fact, other babies out there just like Sammy.

Kelly Mom

Excellent information on fussiness related to breastfeeding. Helpful advice on how to soothe a fussy baby.

The Period of Purple Crying

This website wasn’t around yet when Sam was a baby, so I didn’t learn about Period of Purple Crying until we were through the infant stage. This is perhaps the most ground-breaking research into crying and colic to date. Explains how colic is a developmental stage babies go through, not a medical condition.

Berkeley Parents Network

This is an old site that I don’t believe is maintained anymore, however I found it encouraging to read through these posts by parents. Contains some useful soothing tips as well.

Fussy Baby Network

The Erikson Institute in Chicago offers free fussy baby support via the phone. I never took advantage of it, I don’t think. But what a fantastic service for new parents.

Nurturing Our Spirited Children

Another older site, but gives a great overview of the Spirited Child literature.

Wikipedia: Colic

The Wikipedia article on colic has been updated in recent years, and is actually a fantastic, comprehensive overview of what we currently know about colic.

Don’t Shake – Infant Crying

If you have a colicky baby, you won’t be surprised to learn that fussiness and shaken baby syndrome are closely linked. This site gives a good overview of what normal crying should look like, and how to cope with it.

Pollywog Baby – Colic & Reflux Products and Information

The editor of this site is extremely knowledgable about colic, reflux, and fussiness. Besides offering colic and reflux products, the site provides a wealth of information on causes and treatments for colic and reflux.

Are there any sites I’m missing? What sites were helpful for you?

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