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He’s My Child, No Matter What

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When your child is different than other kids, than 80% of the babies born, it can be hard not to worry. What have I worried about?

Oh just a few things….like:

  • Everything I ate during pregnancy must have caused some kind of irreparable damage to his system
  • He must really have hydrocephalus, fluid in his brain, even though a neurologist looked at his MRI well over a year ago and said he was fine.
  • What if he has developmental issues?
  • Why isn’t he talking like other kids his age?
  • Does he have sensory processing disorder or autism even though every profession we’ve seen has said no?
  • Does he have heavy metal poisoning from vaccines or toxic over load from pesticides?

Dear God, the list could go on for miles as far as what I have worried about since Dominic’s birth!

Up until now, I’ve been able to shrug off the worries as they come or talk with someone about them. We’ve had great support from our county’s Birth to Three Program thus far and I’ve even cried to them about how hard it is to parent Dominic some days.

About how I’m scared he’s never going to learn to talk or dress himself or potty train. And they’ve always given me confident, reassuring answers. Always. I cling to any positive feedback about my child like I might drown in a sea of worry if I let go. And I think I would.

You see, I know Dominic is amazing and special. I know that in my gut and in my heart of hearts. He’s my wild pony. He has a life force that lights up a room when he’s happy (and clears a room when he’s mad). Everyone likes him. He’s so flipping cute and has this awesome laugh. His mannerisms are so quirky and whimsical that he keeps people in a constant state of smiling. Few can resist his charms even though he seems slightly out of step.

I’ve been able to chalk up his idiosyncrasies to having a highly sensitive temperament and speech delay until someone kind of stole that from me by asking me if my son has autism.

(Shock, sinking feeling in stomach, awkward silence). “No…. that was ruled out at his 18-month well-child visit by his pediatrician “

Then the person went on to say that the way he flaps his arms and walks on his toes is very common in children with autism. “No, he just likes to do that.”

First of all—- WHO in the You-Know-What asks that to someone? Wow.

Second of all— This person was just someone we were interviewing to babysit, and who will not be. So it was easy for me to hush the worry in my head. She isn’t a doctor or a psychologist after all. Why worry?

But then I brought up the subject with his occupational therapist and was encouraged to have him evaluated to “rule it out.” Ugh. I wanted to hear… “No Amanda, your lovely son is NOT on the autism spectrum and don’t give that woman’s opinion a second thought. She’s obviously stupid.” No such luck.

Since then my husband and I have been processing this together having good days and bad days with what we think he “has” or doesn’t “have.” And the most important thing we keep arriving at is that we love him. No matter if he is on that big bad spectrum or not, we LOVE HIM.

He is still amazing and beautiful. He can still do something wonderful for this world. I truly believe that and I guess that’s what matters most because if we lose hope for his future, he’s got no choice but to lose hope in himself. I can’t ever let that happen.

I’ve researched ASD and the disordered on the spectrum that aren’t autism. He fits a lot of the criteria, but misses in some key areas too. So we’ve set up an evaluation for the beginning of October and I’ll just keep calm until then, and God willing, after that too, no matter what the diagnosis is or isn’t.

He is still Dominic no matter what and I’m still going to fight for him every step of the way.

 

Amanda is the owner of Ready or Not – A Baby Planning Service. She is in love with her toddler and her husband and derives much of her writing inspiration from her family experiences. To learn more about Amanda and what she does to help pregnant and new parents, please check out her website at www.readyornotbabyplanning.com

 

About 

Holly Klaassen has been running The Fussy Baby Site since 2007. Inspired to start the site after giving birth to her second child, the site aims to provide support and information to parents of fussy, colicky, high need or 'spirited' babies and kids. The main message of this site? You are not alone! When Holly isn't writing for The Fussy Baby Site, she can be found writing for other businesses on topics related to digital marketing, social media, business, and of course, parenting.

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Comments (7)

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  1. Heather says:

    :)

  2. Terra says:

    How old is your little one? Every child is different but my son was similar to this story. He is 38 months old now. He didn’t speak a word until he turned 3 (2 months ago). He didn’t answer people when they asked him questions he didn’t even appear to process what people were saying sometimes. He was evaluated for autism and they said he didn’t have it. So he went to a speech therapist who said he was way below average intellectually and put me on a waiting list for treatment. Then one day he just started talking just like that and within the last 2 months he went from saying nothing to speaking in small sentences and I can actually understand him! Now that he’s speaking I realize he did take in all of that information I had pumped into him and now he’s transforming into a different kid. I used a program to help him along called “Teach2Talk” after the first video he started saying some body part words and then his vocabulary and understanding took off from there. I think he’s a visual learner and needed to see the word with the action.

    His intelligence is fine and now he’s talking I’m amazed by how much he knows. He still has a hard time sitting down and concentrating on things to learn them and needs to physically move to process information. Just realize you’re not alone and don’t listen to people who try to compare and categorize your child. I know what it’s like and you feel judged and guilty but it’s not your fault just hang in there and do the best you can and cut out people who make you feel bad. Good luck!

  3. Just how would you be capable of create such a wonderful group associated with commenters to your website?

  4. Elle says:

    This post resonates with me so much! Yesterday our pedi suggested we make an apptmt with a specialist to assess my son as she was concerned with some of his behaviours…. I still believe he is just spirited. My heart is heavy though…. asking what if. Yes he will always be my son no matter what – and loved unconditionally just like before… but somehow this will be hard for me to swallow. After much research on ASD I’ve noticed that he does fit some of the criteria – but misses key components. Now I wait until I get in to have him assessed – apparently up to 6 months. Oh the waiting is going to kill me! Until then, we will just be loving him as always and enjoying his quirky intelligent spirit~!

  5. Fastidious replies in return of this query with real arguments and describing all about that.

  6. Vince Iannelli says:

    "He is still Dominic no matter what and I’m still going to fight for him every step of the way."

    It is refreshing to see a parent post a strong statement like this.

    Too often these days, we see just the opposite type of rhetoric, with parents talking about how they lost their child when they were diagnosed with autism or they watched their soul leave their body after they got their vaccines.

    If you haven't visited yet, you might get some more answers and help from the Thinking Person's Guide to Autism:

    http://www.thinkingautismguide.com/

    Good Luck.

  7. “He is still Dominic no matter what and I’m still going to fight for him every step of the way.”

    It is refreshing to see a parent post a strong statement like this.

    Too often these days, we see just the opposite type of rhetoric, with parents talking about how they lost their child when they were diagnosed with autism or they watched their soul leave their body after they got their vaccines.

    If you haven’t visited yet, you might get some more answers and help from the Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism:

    http://www.thinkingautismguide.com/

    Good Luck.

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