I’m Not Cut Out To Be A Stay At Home Mom

5:59 am |

Image borrowed from Facebook Share. Original Author unknown.

I saw this meme a few months ago. It shows the difference between what the outside world thinks a stay at home mom does, and then shows what it’s really like.

I admit that, until I had kids of my own, I wondered what in the world parents did all day at home with their kids. I thought it was a sweet privilege that people could have the kind of money to make it possible for them to sit at home and do nothing all day.

That meme pretty much summed up exactly what I thought: being home is an extended vacation.

Except, not.

Turns out this was another on the long list of pre-parenthood thoughts and assumptions that were more a reflection of my ignorance than any reality.

The joke is, a parent who stays at home with their children full time is not just a parent.
A Stay At Home Parent is also;
-A teacher
-A principal
-A cook
-A clown
-A housekeeper
-A psychologist
-A tour guide
-A mediator
-A lawyer
-A judge
-A nurse
-A cruise director
And umpteen other roles my mind can’t even articulate into a word that fully encompasses the job requirements.

I have now done two maternity leaves, and in between the two, I was a mom who worked outside the home. Juggling shift work and a family was hard. Being effective at work on limited sleep and a whole lot of energy expense when I got home, was hard. Still having my synapses fire and be able to speak in adult speak after coming home and talking 3 octaves higher and in mostly single syllables was a challenge.

But none of that holds a candle to how much harder it is to be a stay at home mom.

As someone who has seen both sides, and admittedly on a limited basis (I had to keep my older child in daycare to both maintain her spot and guarantee my son’s), I can say that being a stay at home mom is, by far, the most under-appreciated job on the planet.

It’s so under-appreciated that it is most commonly referred to as ‘deciding not to go back to work,’ as if the fact it’s not paid and doesn’t involve putting on dress pants some how makes it ‘not work.’

If I mess up at at the office, my boss gets mad.

If I mess up at home, I screw up my child!

My boss, when I’m at home, doesn’t give me coffee breaks.

He doesn’t respect business calls.

He doesn’t guarantee me, offer me, or even allow me vacation days.

And sick days? Ha!

He doesn’t care how badly I need to go to the bathroom.

If he’s in a mood, that’s going to be my problem.

If I’m in a mood, that’s also going to be my problem.

My boss is a micromanager. Every second of his day better be planned to a T. He needs to be in charge, and he needs my constant attention.

My boss is unpredictable. His mood can go from good to raging mad at the drop of a hat. And he has no higher authority I can complain to when I’m harassed by him.

My boss under-pays me, under-appreciates me, physically and verbally assaults me, throws the meals I prepare for him at my face and on the floor if he disapproves and my scheduled breaks (read: his naps) are at his discretion in both length and frequency and over all consistency.

The biggest difference between the boss at home and the boss at the office is that I love my boss at home with every ounce of my being. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to make him happy. Nothing that can be happening, no day that can be full of stress, that his ear to ear 6-tooth smile won’t make disappear, even for just a minute.

He is my everything.

And maybe that’s why I can say that I’m not cut out to be a stay at home mom. And that that’s okay.

Because I acknowledge that it’s the hardest job on the planet.

I’m not cut out to be a doctor either. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to tend to my kid’s cuts and bruises and bumps. But for the big stuff, the stuff that I’m not qualified for? That stuff I’ll defer to the professionals. When something is beyond my scope and capabilities, like a serious cut, I wouldn’t feel guilty saying ‘that cut needs stitches and I don’t know how to do them.’

So I won’t feel shame in saying that I’m not cut out to be a stay at home mom.

That doesn’t mean I love my children any less than parents who do choose to stay at home. It means I love them enough to know that it is not in their interests or mine for me to stay home.

And I also now acknowledge, from meeting lots of amazing moms across this country, staying home wasn’t necessarily made possible because of one spouse’s massive salary.

Some people make sacrifices, huge sacrifices, to stay at home with their kids. Because it’s where their passions are, and what they want to do. Just like other people do to take jobs in other fields that aren’t highly paid because they love the work.

Anyone who thinks being a stay at home mom isn’t work hasn’t done it for even a day.

I have nothing but the utmost respect and admiration for stay at home moms, not just because of how hard their job is, but because they do it in spite of knowing that most people don’t consider it a job at all.

I guess that’s what you do when you’re passionate about something. You do it in spite of what others think.

And I guess that’s also why it’s okay for me to say it’s not my passion. That it’s too hard for me, and not something I’m very good at.

And that doesn’t make me a bad parent. It just makes me a not-so-great stay at home mom.

And that’s okay.

Leslie Kennedy

 

Leslie lives in Toronto with her husband, her 3 year old daughter and 1 year old son. She is presently on maternity leave and enjoying the hectic and harried life with two young children.

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Category: General Parenting, Stories

Comments (34)

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  1. Jaime says:

    Sing it, sister!

  2. The ADT guy told
    Me yesterday that he wished he could stay home and relax like me everyday. Yep! He said it. I was too sick to say much And he’s lucky BC if I had been feeling better be would
    Have received an earful.

  3. Cassie says:

    Enjoyed reading…very true.

  4. Beth says:

    Good article…up until the point you said raising your own kids was too hard, so you defer it to others. What?? Some of us don’t stay home with our kids because it’s a “passion”–hopefully your kids are a passion of yours–but because we feel a great responsibility and duty to raise our kids ourselves, instead of having other careworkers do it. Maybe I misinterpreted the article, but I strongly think that our children deserve to have their parents at home with them, weather we find it hard or not. I grew up with a single mom that HAD to work outside the home. She did the best she could by working night shifts at the hospital, and I spetn a lot of time in daycares and with babysitters. I HATED IT. Did I turn out okay? Yeah. I’ve gone on to get a post-graduate degree, have given a year and a half of my life in complete to people in a third world country, have contributed to major corporations and worked hard in the workforce, have taught middle school children for three years and made a difference in their lives, and have married a wonderful man and decided to bring offspring into the world. We’ve made major sacrifices for me to be at home–no vacations this year, moved to a one bedroom apartment to cut our rent in half, I took a salary cut to work from home while my daughter naps so that we can make ends meet. But she is my number one priority, and I will never put her through what my mom was forced to put me through by not being able to be around as much because she HAD to support us all by herself. Had to throw my 2 cents into this. Children need their mothers full time, not just morning and nights. I highly recommend a book by Dr. Laura called “10 Stupid Things Parents do to mess up their kids” where she details the effects staying vs. not staying at home has on our children.

    • AM says:

      Re: Beth “Children need their mothers full time, not just morning and nights”.

      Huh? What about their fathers? Glad that you feel that you’re the best parent in the world for making the sacrifices that you’re making but I think children need their own bedrooms. So you see, you just haven’t made the right sacrifices in my opinion.

      And yes, I’m being sarcastic to point out that your opinion is based on YOUR life and can not cast judgement across the board onto other people’s families. Also, you do your mom a disservice.

      “I highly recommend a book by Dr. Laura called “10 Stupid Things Parents do to mess up their kids” where she details the effects staying vs. not staying at home has on our children.”

      Riiiiiiight, I’ll get right on that. Her doctorate is in physiology which means her parenting advice based on the psychology of children should be taken with a grain of salt. Counselling certificates do not make up the difference here.

    • Heidi says:

      Beth,

      What about families who don’t make enough on one income to have th LUXURY to stay home? We worked hard and saved for years to be able to support our family on my husband’s income. We bought a house downtown to keep our mortgage less than what we paid in rent previously. We eat at home and rarely spend money on dates or social events. We use free cell phones, cut coupons, and are extremely frugal, living cash outright and well below our means. After two years of trying to make ends meet, we were busted by the crummy expensive health insurance plan we have through my husband’s employer. I am now working full time in addition to the income I make working from home (which I have always done).

      Beth, you need a reality check. In order for us to live responsibly and not drain the welfare system, we need both of us working. It was not the original plan, but unless you want my firefighter husband’s salary to increase (he makes less than I ever had) and your taxes to increase to support him, I will continue to work in and out of the home. And no, we do not live extravagantly. No new cars, nice tv’s (ours are all 15 year old projection tv’s), or fancy new clothes.

      • Tom says:

        I know my experience might not hold much bearing in this discussion, because my mother was both physically and emotionally abusive, but I really, really, REALLY wish she had worked during most of my childhood instead of “making sacrifices”, (all of them mine), to stay at home with us kids.
        The “sacrifices” my mom made to stay at home include: no college fund saved up for me, garage sale clothes for myself and my siblings while our classmates always wore the latest trends, I had to earn my own car at age 16, never got what I wanted for Christmas because we could never afford anything, constant fighting between my parents because my father secretly accurately suspected the truth; that my mother was just lazy rather than “passionate” about raising her children, the whole family feasting on expired food each day because nobody dare “waste” food by throwing it out.
        All these “sacrifices” so my mother could stay at home and beat us.
        And to this day I get an earful every time I have an argument with her over how many “sacrifices” she made to be a stay at home mother. And how her own mother worked her entire growing up years so she was a latch-key kid. I really wish my mom had gotten off her butt and worked like my dad did, and like her mom did, so we would have money to do normal things, and so I didn’t have to live out my childhood in fear of her. Even after I left home and got jobs of my own, my mother continued to find excuses to not work herself; at first it was her many hypochondriac symptoms always inflaming, then she adopted a bunch of dogs who all “need” her at home the way her kids did. The list goes on and on.
        If you make the decision to stay at home, at least make sure it’s because you love your kids, not just because you love your own free time. The only reason she had kids in the first place was so my father would carry her financially, along with us kids.

  5. Rach says:

    I agree with what Beth said.

  6. Vanessa says:

    Take a chill pill Beth! For real u sound like a ungrateful person to ur mother because she went into the world to give u a good life… Be grateful u have ur husband with u since ur mom didnt have that privileged to be able to take care of u full time…

    I personally agree with the writer. I wanna be a mom, but im sure I wont be able to leave my career all together, not everybody is fit to be a stay home mom, and at least this person respects the mothers that do.

  7. Lauren says:

    Excellent article. As a stay-at-home mom, I 100% agree with you. I think loving your kids is giving them the best care you can and if you know you are not the best, then you are a great mom to recognize it and do something about it. I was raised with a mom who loved us with every ounce of her being but was bitter about staying home with us. it wasn’t a pleasant experience. I have two special-needs kids who keep me home, and I have to say I fight to find ways to not feel like I am living my life only for them. Being one of those moms, whose soul purpose is their kids is just not healthy, for mom or kids. I’ve seen kids who were raised like that and the pressure they are under is intense. So I applaud the author for her honesty. Not every woman who has birthed or adopted a child is going to be perfect at it, or even good at it. And if they aren’t and delude themselves and others about it, they are just hurting their kids in the end. If your village includes grandma, aunts, cousins, or a well-loved daycare, then let them help raise your child to be their best and most loved.

  8. Lindsay says:

    Beth – so you’re saying that even if a mother is miserable, she should stay at home with her kids? That’s ludacris. I know plenty of women who are amazing mothers, but they are amazing BECAUSE they work outside the home. I also know some amazing stay at home moms too.

    I think the author of this article did something that a lot of people (including Beth) are not capable of doing – she was respectful of ALL mothers, whether they choose to stay home or work outside of the home. Well done, Leslie!

    I am not a stay at home mom for the same reasons I am not a school teacher – I do not have the patience or the creativity. My kids know how much they are loved despite my job. And with me working, the time we do spend together is quality time…and in my opinion, quality is better than quantity.

  9. Stacey says:

    Great piece Leslie.

    Beth, I respectfully find your comments a bit insulting.

    I like to think that I’m a very good parent and love my children more than anything else on earth. I love being at home with them, and I love my career. I love that I can identify as a parent AND as a woman with a career that I have worked extremely hard for. I am passionate about my children, and I am passionate about the work I do outside the home. My children are lovely and well adjusted, and while my youngest hasn’t started yet, my oldest loves preschool. He’s socialized, incredibly clever and adores his caregivers. He also loves his father and me above anyone else – regardless of the fact that we work outside the home.

    Bottom line, what works for your family is great. What works for my family and my children might be different – but it’s still great because it works for us. Kudos to Leslie for being brave enough to say what a lot of parents are thinking. It’s unfortunate to find moms judging other moms for choices they make for their family. Beth, I hope you will think about what you put out there and try to keep in mind that we all love our children passionately and make the best choices for OUR families. The choices you have made in order to stay home with your child are not choices that my family would ever make, but they aren’t mine to make OR to judge.

    • HJ Everymother says:

      Nicely stated, Stacey. Thank you for advocating on behalf of those who choose to build a career and a family simultaneously.

  10. Cheryl says:

    Great article! I agree that not all moms are cut out to be stay at home moms not matter how much they love their children. It is a hard job and hats off the moms who do stay at home.

  11. Robin says:

    There is no shame in knowing that you are not cut out to stay home and that that is what is best for your family. There is also no shame in not being able to stay home with your children no matter how badly you’d like to. Unfortunately, not everyone is financially able to be there for their children morning, noon, and night.
    I grew up with two career driven parents, had a fabulous childhood, and have no desire to stay home on a permanent basis. My son is s
    Great piece, Leslie, thanks for putting this out there for us! (WAR)

  12. amanda says:

    Good for you leslie. Good for you beth, although i think some what harshly said. I think kudos to any mama, weather a working mom, or a stay at home mom. At the end of the day we are all mamas. Ive been lucky in finding evening jobs and my partner is at home while im at work. He works the days, i work the nights. We save in daycare costs and 1 of us is always at home with our children. Every family has different dynamics. Every family has to do what they have to do, to pay bills, food, activities, the list goes on. Being a full time parent is the hardest job. I love going to work, just to have that adult company. Love my 3 children, but i need a brake, and well going to work is my brake. Being a mom never stops, its a 24 hour job, weather you work or you stay at home.

  13. amanda says:

    I dont know your childhood Beth. I would think you thank your mom that you had a roof over your head, food on the table, clothes on your back, and other things. It could have been very different if your mom stayed at home with you as a child. She was just doing her best to raise you. Just saying.

  14. Rachel says:

    Wow, let’s cut Beth a break. It was her childhood and if she said it was really hard on her to be left with sitters and in daycare and that’s influenced her choices in regards to staying home with her children, then that’s her choice and her experience. No where in her comment do I see her saying that her mother did anything but the best she could do for her kids. But that doesn’t make it any less traumatic for a child who just wants to be with her mom. She can be acknowledge that her mom did her best and still be unhappy with the outcome. Those children who are left with sitters because both their parents chose to work long hours may end up unhappy (or not) and even worse, experience deeply held rejection because their parents weren’t willing to give up a little of their own stuff to meet the emotional needs of their children. I’m not saying that this is the author’s situation at all. Just mentioning that making the choice to have someone else caring for your child during most of their waking hours from an early age on can have a negative affect on some children while others are just fine and even thrive in it.

    Personally I chose to stay home with my children while they were young and have slowly started increasing my work as they move into school (mother’s day out and elementary). It was mind numbing and unproductive when compared with the financial rewards and appreciation from supervisors and peers. But I remember how much I loved having my mother home with me, how it was okay but kind of sad and different when she went to work part time and wasn’t always there when we got home from school, and how she mentioned my younger brother who was in middle school seemed to have a really hard time adjusting when she went back to work full time.

    • TL says:

      Well that was likely ok for you. However, I think in the next 20 years, teaching my daughter to be a stay at home mom does her a disservice. I went to a small private school and these stay at home moms were fantastic until dad decided to marry his 25 year old secretary. For my daughter I hope to teach her to educate and care for herself. If she then chooses to stay home, I am fine with that. BUT… she must always have a back up plan for her family. Where I am concerned (and my children), they come first. I must raise them and care for them, and I must be able to do this with or without him. THEY are my priority and I do not want to rely on a divorce attorney to make sure that happens…

  15. Beth says:

    Wow, I obviously do not know how to express my opinions with the same grace and diplomacy that many of you do. I will work on that! I’m glad my post at least generated a bit of a discussion on the matter, and apologize for not showing more respect to all mothers. Thank you Rachel for your kind reply to my post, I know that my childhood does strongly influence my opinion on the matter because I truly hated day cares. It was also hard through high school and found a journal entry where I wrote, “My mom has had to work every night this week…we haven’t been able to talk and I feel as if she has no idea what is going on in my life right now. I hate it.” Those were my feelings as a teenager.. My mother has sense remarried and I know that even with a father in the house, my little brother hates having her gone. It’s had a very negative effect on him. and something that I don’t want to put my kids through now that I am in a situation to prevent it. My mom was and is an amazing mother and blesses a lot of lives through her work as well. The experience of growing up in that environment still deeply influenced my opinion of the matter. I also worked in a daycare during college and was surprised by the affect I saw it have on the two one year old children I cared for. The little girl especially had complete melt downs and anxiety attacks because she was not getting enough attention from her mom, just had a plethora of sitters moving through her life. Her mom was always in such a hurry with her busy choose-to-work lifestyle, and I witnessed the effect that had on her little one first hand. It is something that has always stayed with me. Teaching school as well has exposed me to all different kinds of parenting philosophies. Again, I have had a front row ticket to the effect over-worked parents have on their children. So yes, my background has influenced my opinions and the route I have chosen to go with my family.
    I know for me too, I have never found any of my professional jobs to be as rewarding as I have found motherhood or running a home full time. It’s incredibly hard, but also difficult for me to imagine ever giving it up to go back to work. The rewards just don’t compare in my mind, which perhaps is why it is hard for me to understand why others would willingly give it up. I completely understand that I would have a much harder time with this if I found the work atmosphere more rewarding and should have been more sensitive to the fact that many women are in this situation.
    I appreciate hearing the different views and apologize for coming across as so offensive! I got a little too worked up about it upon initial reading…it just sounded (to me) like the author gave up. She made mothering sound so negative and like the worse job in the world (besides a smile or two from her kids). I just don’t agree with that and apologize if my differing view is offensive. As a stay at home mom, my creativity gets to thrive, whereas in the workplace there was always restrictions. Motherhood can be especially hard without a support system or breaks, and I am lucky enough to have both.
    At least if nothing else from my opinion, I hope that some working mothers that could be staying home think it over and at least discuss it with their own kids and husbands. Hopefully the discussion today has given us all food for thought and we come away better for it 🙂

    • Janny says:

      See though, the way you put it now and the way you originally wrote it sound SOOO different! Now, you are talking more about those 100% career driven people, who seem to just have kids for the sake of having kids, whereas earlier, you truly made it sound liek anyone who was back at work after having a child was a selfcentered human being.
      I think we can all agree that any mom who’s reading blog posts about things pertaining to their kids aren’t the kind that would tend to neglect their kids the way you have seen (and I know a friend of mine who’s a teacher has also mentioned these types of parents). I think that Leslie summed up perfectly how I feel about going back to work: I love my kid so much and I’m a much better parent to him when I’m at work. I wish I was super creative and good with children, but even with my own, I find myself at a total loss of what to do. But when I oget home from work and I know I have a few hours to spend with him before bed time, I can tell you it’s total quality time and I wouldn’t trade that for the world. But, a whole 10+ hour day with him? We’re both bored and cranky cause I’m not entertaining enough for his liking, and I hate that I don’t know what to do with him to stimulate him more…
      Anyways, it truly does seem though that the type of parent you are describing is definitely not the same kind that is on here, which is probably why it struck a chord even mores.

      Leslie, I can relate SOOO much to this post, I thank you for posting it! 🙂
      (PS, sorry for any typos, for some reason, I can only see half of what I’m writing due to a weird glitch)

    • TL says:

      “since”

  16. Leslie says:

    Thank you ladies for all of your responses. I like that this has generated conversation.
    Beth – I will re-clarify what my blog post said: I do not defer to others to ‘raise my kids.’ My husband and I raise my kids. I am their mother and he is their father. And I certainly did not say ‘mothering’ is the ‘worst’ job in the world. I said that I think being a ‘stay at home mom’ is the ‘hardest’ job in the world, and also the most unappreciated. What I said and what you interpreted it to mean are two very very different things.
    It is perfectly fine for you to disagree with me. I’m glad you feel strongly about staying home. I’m glad it’s something that is close to your heart. I feel that saying people who work outside the home don’t have their priorities straight is as misguided and judgmental as people suggesting that stay at home moms sit around and eat bon bons all day. It’s simply not true.

    • TL says:

      She does not have a fulfilling job. Feel sorry for her…

  17. Sandra says:

    I am a stay at home mom because it is the career I chose. I chose to leave behind my career in publishing once my 2nd child was born because it killed me to not be with them. Motherhood was the career I always wanted even though I got side-tracked with university and a corporate job. LOL. Now I have my dream job. You know the one you would do even if you didn’t get paid. Yeah, that’s me and no I don’t get paid but the benefits package can’t be beat in my mind. My hats off to you moms that have a second job outside of the home. I don’t know how you do it all. I know so many of you that do it so well. All of us that are teaching and raising our children to be intelligent, respectful members of society should be commended for our great work. There is a balance for all of us. Good article Leslie. Too bad it will mostly only be read by mothers. The rest of society needs to read it too!

  18. Beckir says:

    I am a stay-at-home mom of a 2 1/2 year old son, and & 14 month old daughter. I love my children with all that I am. I cook for them, clean, play, bathe, and anything else that comes with having kids, but that is why I can say that I am not cut out to be a stay-at-home mom. I would bend over backwards for my babies, but I don’t have the patience to do this job. Money is tight, so I need a job outside the home. I have to make a meal out of nothing on most days, and I usually succeed. But I am 25 years old, and since I was 16, I have had a job. I worked summers, then had school, but I was always busy. Always working. Now, I don’t even get to shower on a regular basis. My husband works, so I never get time to myself. I can’t even go out for a few hours a month to hang out with my best friend. Last time I did, I had to go home early due to the children not behaving for their father. So I totally understand this article, from the bottom of my heart.

  19. HJ Everymother says:

    “But she is my number one priority, and I will never put her through what my mom was forced to put me through by not being able to be around as much because she HAD to support us all by herself.”

    Yeah, Beth, my kids are MY numero uno, too. That’s why when their father (my much loved husband) WAS KILLED in an accident after I had been a stay at home mom for their entire childhoods I had to figure out how to FEED them by going back to a crappy job, you know, since I had been out of the job market being a stay-at-home mom for the past 10 years. So, HEY! Aren’t you just the best mother there is… until, through no fault of your own, and you’ve done everything society deems “right and correct,” you’re not. At least not by YOUR standards.

    Judgmental, much?

    • HJ Everymother says:

      Oh, and since I’m certain my education will come into question here, let me preemptively strike with… YES. I do have a post-graduate degree. But without recent relevant experience in my highly-competitive field? Crap job pandering to those with half my education and talents or sporting a hairnet and a nametag.

  20. TL says:

    Well I am a mom of two and a doctor. Both of my children were conceived via IVF. They are my life, my breath, my soul. However, I keep doing my job because I take care of people that would otherwise die, that would otherwise starve, and I pray that someday they will understand. I pray that someday they will be proud of mom. I hope I am an inspiration to my daughter and my son. I hope they understand my sacrifice. I pray they know I did it all for them…

    • Chrissy says:

      you are an inspiration! 🙂

  21. Chrissy says:

    thank yo for writing this article! I feel so much better because you know what, im finding out being a SAHM isnt really for me either. I always thought it would be,but now that ive had my first child and ive been home a year (maternity leave plus the 8 months since she has been home) I dont really like it. Maybe partly because my daughter went from colic to teething and still doesnt sleep during the day or the night and my husband works 60 horus a week. but what I really miss is the feeling like someone other than just mom. I am finding that it is healthier FOR ME to have interests besides just my daughter even if they include her. Like photography or hiking, I can do those things with her but they are not about her. I almost feel like society judges working moms harder, like you must not love your kids if you dont like being a SAHM. I do love her, with all my heart from the moment I heard hers beating on the doppler, but sometimes mommy needs a break! Thank you again, loved it!

  22. Guest says:

    Who said motherhood is about being happy? Motherhood is NOT about the mom at all. You chose to have kids. Why do people have kids if they are not going to raise them? What did you think they would roll out of your uterus potty trained and offer to make you pancakes?
    Kids are hard but in those times you suck it up….that is what makes a mom. We need more real moms. It is not like TV moms.

    Now I get the need to put food on the table. My mom was a single mom but we never went to daycare. She worked nights and had one kid who was chronicly ill. She never did a thing for herself for 20 years. You know what? Now that her kids are raised, we CHARISH her to no end. Especially my brother who was the sick kid she stayed up with all night for years.

    My mil on the other hand worked and then did her own thing on weekends. She never breastfeed and he was forced to sleep though the night through CIO. My DH never really bonded with her. He never even returns her calls now. Not his fault. She was selfish. I can see she looks to my mom and my relationship with jealously.

    It starts when they are little. Make the sacrifices then or you will have to later.

    I am not judging. I wish I was half the mom my mom was. She was a good role model. Not every mom has the support they need so you do the best you can. The last thing any mom needs is more guilt. Lets support one another and be a friend 🙂

  23. Yolande says:

    I totally understand the feelings of guilt on both sides of the coin. I’m a SAHM of b/g 2yr old twins and I also know that I am privileged to be able to stay home with them. However, I feel so depressed as my husband works long hours and travels almost every other week. I want to go back to the workforce but I also fear how this will impact my kids.

    One thing for certain, being a SAHM is not for sissies. I find that although my children are huge blessings the constant fights and tantrums get me down. DH being away so often affects their behavior and they clearly miss him.

    I will need to do a lot of research and make sure I don’t burn the candle on both ends or my family will suffer. I truly hope I manage to find at least a part time job that will keep my foot in the door. As much as I love my kids I desperately need to be around adults too. My support system is close to nonexistent and I have no doubt that this is why I struggle so much with being a SAHM.

  24. mstfd says:

    Interesting comments…I’ve been a working mom with my older kids and am currently a SAHM. My baby is a “late in life” child and a “fussy baby”-my first in that area. I had planned to go back to work part-time, but the baby changed all that.
    I simply cannot, in good conscience, leave a child like this in paid care. My baby would most likely be left in a crib, deemed too difficult to deal with.
    I know moms who think my baby’s disposition is another reason to be working an outside job. lol Fortunately, I’m in a professional position that I can ease back into as my baby’s needs decrease. And I can afford it, unlike my younger self.
    That, to me, is the benefit of being an educated professional. I’m not worried that my child will think mom is “just” a SAHM. Baby probably won’t remember when I didn’t work outside the home. But I will! Babyhood is short and professional life is long.
    Being a feminist, I was under the impression that part of the fight was choosing what we, as women, could do. I’m not sure what the argument here is, since sisterhood is supposed to be inclusive and supportive.