I could never have another!

[Mbrown602]

I'm sure I've seen this sentiment on here before, but how many of you made the decision not to have any more children since having a high needs/fussy baby? I am now listening to my baby fuss in the next room. We've been trying to soothe her to bed for 3 hours now. It's been like this every night now, and she's 8 weeks.

I married my husband 4 years ago, and always thought it would be cool to have a boy (I have a 15 year old girl from a previous relationship) but now, I don't think I want to add to our family. Seriously, I keep thinking that I just can't go through this fussy thing again. The last two months have been hard. I hope there's a light at the end of the tunnel. The dr. just diagnosed my daughter with colic yesterday  This, of course, was no surprise.

[civano]

I didn't think I'd want more after fussy baby number 1...but then 2.5 years later I gave birth to fussy baby #2. I'm so glad he's with us and a part of our family however I don't think I'll be trying for another baby (I always wanted a daughter) because I just don't think I'm up having another fussy baby.

[sunshinebaby]

You may change your mind in time, or you may not.  My daughter is not 2.5, I always wanted 3 or 4 kids, but it just terrifies me to think I may have another like her (insert guilt here).  She is so demanding of my time/energy/emotions that I feel like I would have to neglect one child or the other.  I fear that if I was to have another baby who was easier, I would resent how difficult my first was (more guilt here).  I'm not at the point where I would say I'll NEVER have another child, but certainly not in the foreseeable future. 

[Dolphine]

I do not know yet. There are days when I strongly say, no more! My son is 9 weeks old, and these past few weeks have been a real roller coaster ride for me. Some days are easier and some others are harder. Some days he gets VERY fussy, some other days he is like an angel. Good point though that no matter how fussy he is during the day, or how much he sleeps, or does not sleep, he is a very good sleeper at night. So at least I know I have nighttimes no matter what to recharge my "batteries".

[MDT]

From the time I gave birth, I've wanted another baby and I still do, even though my first one is fussy.  I don't know how, but somehow I look past his fussiness when I say I want another.  And I say I don't know how I do this because any time I ever talk to somebody about my little Andrew, it's usually about his fussing!  It's more the love for my husband that drives me to want another rather than knowing I could be "blessed" with another fussy one and therefore scaring myself out of having more kids.

As the others have said, you may change your mind, but if you don't, there's nothing wrong with that!

[sombrabella]

When our son was 10 weeks my husband and I swore to each other that he would be our one and only...but now at 16 weeks I am starting to change my mind.  As fussy as he can be, I love him so much and honestly wouldn't change a thing about him.

[Tiger Cub Tamer]

There's a family down the street from us who has three children, and is expecting a fourth.  Both parents are older than us (late 30s-early 40s).  I was so so so angry whenever I saw them taking a walk, because I thought -- how could anyone choose to have more than one child? What's wrong with me that I can barely handle one, and I'm younger and healthy and can't hardly take it?  This was before I learned that regular babies weren't nearly as impossible and demanding as mine.

Once I realized that our baby was vastly harder, the resentment has set in.  I'm angry that other people "get" to have more than one.  I fantasize about telling our son when he's older, "you don't have any brothers or sisters because you were so terrible!" 

I try to have perspective because other parents face lots of difficulties that I don't (financial, medical problems, single parenthood), but still, somehow this is more draining than anything else I've faced in life.

It's heartening to see in the replies that other parents of difficult babies evolve their thinking on this, but right now I feel too traumatized.

-- Tiger Cub Tamer

[Hollyadmin]

There's a family down the street from us who has three children, and is expecting a fourth.  Both parents are older than us (late 30s-early 40s).  I was so so so angry whenever I saw them taking a walk, because I thought -- how could anyone choose to have more than one child? What's wrong with me that I can barely handle one, and I'm younger and healthy and can't hardly take it?  This was before I learned that regular babies weren't nearly as impossible and demanding as mine.

Once I realized that our baby was vastly harder, the resentment has set in.  I'm angry that other people "get" to have more than one.  I fantasize about telling our son when he's older, "you don't have any brothers or sisters because you were so terrible!" 

I try to have perspective because other parents face lots of difficulties that I don't (financial, medical problems, single parenthood), but still, somehow this is more draining than anything else I've faced in life.

It's heartening to see in the replies that other parents of difficult babies evolve their thinking on this, but right now I feel too traumatized.

-- Tiger Cub Tamer

Thank you for your honesty!  I think many of us can relate to this. I find it's only recently that when someone tells me they're pregnant, I have to hold myself back from saying, 'oh I'm so sorry'! I also used to assume that everyone hated the newborn stage, and it's again only recently that I've come to the realization that some people LOVE this stage. I never had that pleasure!!

I do have to say, PLEASE don't let this experience stop you from having another. It's SO SO worth it...and there is a good chance your next one will be easier. And, there's a good chance your son will get easier as he becomes more independent...most high needs babies do.

My son is 3.5 and I have sworn up and down that I wouldn't have another - and I still feel that way. But no longer b/c of my experience with Sammy; simply because I'm content with 2 kids.  Some of my most joyous moments are watching my son and daughter together. I'd do it all again even if just for them to have each other.

I totally understand and relate to the resentment you feel. I still feel somewhat resentful of people who have 'easy' babies. I find myself secretly wishing friends' babies will be fussy - if I went through it, why shouldn't they? 

[sombrabella]

Tiger Cub Tamer, how old is your son? Mine is now 4 1/2 months and is just now starting to get a little easier to deal with...or maybe I'm just getting used to the way he is, I don't now. I have friends who have 'easy' babies and I used to get really jealous too. I remember when a friend who has a son who's one week younger than mine first told me her son slept thru the night at 2 1/2 mos. I was soooo jealous and resentful. And my niece is also a week younger than my son and I get frustrated when my SIL talks about having a picnic with her husband and baby, or going to festivals, etc. We could NEVER do those things with my son! As I type this with one hand (I do most things one handed these days) I am holding DS and sitting in the rocking chair while he sleeps and my back feels like it is literally breaking...but I wouldn't change a thing. Yes, things would be easier if DS were different, but would I be happier? I'm not sure I would. I guess the way I've come to think of it is, I might not have gotten the baby I want, but maybe I got the baby I need. I'm just speaking for myself here, of course, but I really believe that my bond with my son is stronger than some moms and babies because of how needy he is. It is so easy for me to get distracted by other things that I wonder if my son was a content baby if I would pay as much attention to him. I wonder if, looking back in a few years, if I would remember these first months as vividly. My husband and I tried for 10 years to have a baby and I don't know if we'll be able to even have another. So I guess I'm trying to enjoy this phase even though it's tough sometimes...cause I may not get a chance to experience it again.

[fbsurvivor]

Tiger Cub Tamer-  I can totally relate.  I was just thinking today, how, if you have twins everyone is so understanding, but no one has any sympathy for what we've gone through, especially in the workplace.

Sombrabella-  I totally agree.  You really bond with your child.  I am so close to my daughter (now 20 mo.) and I can tell there's a real difference with the relationship other mothers have with their children.  And I totally relate to doing everything one handed.  I just couldn't get carriers or slings to work, so one handed it was.  Even with my dd at 20 months I often have to do things one handed.  Last night I was doing a belly dance workout while holding my daughter.  When my daughter wants to be held, she wants to be held.  There are much bigger things to deal with a tantrum over.

[donnag]

Just wanted to say that I love this thread. This summed up how I felt for the first few months - I could not imagine why anyone would want more than one! My daughter is now 6 months and I am still not sure I want anymore! My husband would have another one tomorrow - but then he is not at home alone all day with our daughter!

I do agree with him that it probably is best to have 2 so they can play together etc. so I will probably have another more because of that then because it's the best thing I have ever done with my life! I do not enjoy being a mum as much as I thought I would and kept thinking I must be depressed etc. then the more time I spent around other babies I realized that I felt like this because my baby was sooooooo demanding and I was sooooo exhausted all the time.

Love how honest everyone has been on this thread - I no longer feel like a freak for may be not wanting more kids 

[Ashleigh]

My husband just happend to find this site, we found it funny that they actually have a site out there for people that have fussy baby's (like ours).  As i was reading through this particular thread (with my 4 month old screaming on my lap)  it really made me feel less alone!  We have been dealing with her fussiness since she was about a month old.  We ofcourse got the diagnosis of colic, then GERD (acid reflux), and a high needs baby.  It was nice know that they have a name for the HELL that we are going though, but i don't think there are enough resources for parents that are having to deal with this day after day after day!

[Hollyadmin]

Welcome Ashleigh! When Sammy was a baby, I looked and looked for a website about 'fussy babies'...and couldn't find any. I figured surely someone would have come up with one. And no one else did, so I did   People who haven't been there really don't understand how trying it is.  Having a high need baby is a 24 hour a day job - and every day is unpredictable and exhausting and so many of us struggled thinking we were the only ones. Glad you found us

[Emma]

Yup, I totaly know what you mean!  My 8month old son is a very senstive kid, and was a hugely colicky baby - it didn't help that he had reflux as well.  Anyway, he has outgrown it, but he's still VERY senstive and is prone to some pretty big tantrums if he's been over stimulated.  I ran accross a site that offers a book that talks about why baby's/toddlers do what they do, and how to set them up for a sucessful toddler hood.  I have read book about how to fix issues, but I haven't ever found a book that talk about how or even when to start that process, and Everett was definatly my 'hard' child who I knew I wa going to need to have a leg up on.  I knew from the time I was pregnant I was in for a ride!  Chances are the fussyness will stop soon, probably around 3months ( my friends son just up and stopped crying two days after his 3 month brithday!  just stopped!  like he hadn't spent the last three months screaming!!) so hang in there!  And give yourself time before making any choices on whether you will have more or not.  You may decide, after the fussyness and crazyness is done, that you really don't want anymore and that's ok!  Just give it time.  if you did want to take a look at that book I think the website is called www.infanttoddlerdiscipline.com  I know it helped me to start a good routine with Everett - and seeing as he went from fussy baby to senstive kid, it was a godsend for me!  Good luck, hang in there!! I'm sure you are doing a fantastic job! This too shall pass!  Always remember that!