I need serious sleep help!!!!

[sombrabella]

My son is 4.5 months old and his sleep issues are starting to make me crazy!!!    Let me give you a short summary of his issues.
This is how nighttime goes: I usually give him a bath after dinner, get myself ready for bed, and lay down with him on the sofa about 7:30-8pm. He nurses himself to sleep.  I can't leave his side or he will wake up, so I watch TV until I fall asleep (not that I get much sleep since he is constantly waking up and either wanting to be repositioned or to be nursed back to sleep.  He is usually up for the day at 6:30-7am.

Naptime has become pure torture for both of us.  He shows very few signs of being tired, so I am usually too late with his naps.  I have started to try to anticipate (by watching the clock) when his next nap should be and try to settle him, but no matter if he's just starting to get sleepy or jittery and fussy from exhaustion, he fights sleep!  It sometimes takes me 30 mins to get him to sleep, and then he rarely sleeps more than 40-45 mins at a time.

He absolutely will NOT sleep unless he is either on top of me or in a cradle position at my breast. If I put him down, he immediately wakes up, no matter how deeply he is sleeping. So I have to sit as still as I can so he won't wake up. Sometimes my arms or legs will fall asleep   

All this I could endure IF I knew it was good enough, but it isn't!  He isn't getting enouh sleep and he's sooooo crabby by the end of the day it's almost unbearable.

I am currently reading The No-Cry Sleep Solution by E. Pantley and Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, but I'm starting to get frustrated by each book.  I've tried many of the ideas and techniques that Pantley suggests and haven't had a lot of luck. I've also tried letting DS cry himself to sleep while I rub his back and sing to him, but it makes me feel bad listening to him in such misery. And he still only sleeps for 40 mins so what's the point?

Why does this have to be so HARD??? Am I just being impatient? It's hard to have patience when you're sleep deprived, but if I could have a promise of a sure-fire solution, I think I could summon the patience to do anything!
 

[fbsurvivor]

I have been there.  This is really really hard.  My dd really fought sleep as well.  It seemed like she was afraid she'd miss something.  I remember watching her in her car seat as the car lulled her to sleep and it was like watching someone being drugged, because she really didn't want to fall asleep.

I hear you as well, on the books not helping. It is really really hard when you're sleep deprived and feel like you've tried everything to read another book.  Just carrying my daughter around when I was that tired was a challenge.

Is your husband sleeping in the bed?  Have you tried having a co-sleeper or a bassinet next to your bed.  That worked on and off for me but it sounds like it is impossible to move your son once he's fallen asleep without waking him up.  Generally my daughter would wake up when you moved her as well.  Sometimes she'd fall asleep nursing, then I'd move her and she'd fuss just enough that I could pat her back to sleep.  Other times we would use the carseat because we could swing her to sleep or drive her to sleep in the car, and then just leave her in the carseat.  But I know there are safety concerns with that.  (But there are also safety concerns with cosleeping.)  I think I would nurse her to get her drowsy, then put her in the swing.  She'd wake up, but if we did it fast enough she'd still be drowsy and could fall back asleep.  Nothing ever worked consistently so we'd just try whatever we could find.  Often something would work for days or weeks and then we'd have to switch it up again.

The only other suggestion is that if you catch your son when he just starts to fuss, you can try patting his back to get him to go back to sleep.  And you can try putting on soft music once he's fallen asleep to get him to take a longer nap.  But, I don't think at that age that my daughter slept more than 45 minutes for naps.

I ended up doing CIO at 14 mo.  It took only 3 days, but it was not fun.  I did it very gradually.  That is really the sure fire solution, but I wouldn't do it until your son is actually able to self-soothe, which it doesn't sound like he's able to.

Sorry I don't have any good answers.  No one has really figured this whole fussy baby thing out yet.  My only wish is that I'd had about 5 people around to help me out.

[zavaldez]

I hear you loud and clear about your baby fighting his sleep, my baby girl does the same thing.  I have found that when I use the exercise ball to put her to sleep and then lay her on her nap nanny the only way she will actually stay is if I use a receiving blanket to wrap her hands (because she does not like to be swaddled all the time).  For some reason she will stay asleep because I think she feels like I am still holding her.  It's worth a try...here's what I do with the receiving blanket:  fold it in fours lengthwise put one end towards the middle of her back and wrap it around her body where her hands are close to her body and continue to wrap her until it reaches the other side of her back.  Once I lay her down I shake the nap nanny a little bit so she feels as though she is in my arms and done! 

You have to play around with all types of positions and maneuvers.  It can be VERY exhausting, but once you find a few positions you know he likes, you can alternate them, because I know the same position does not work every time.

Hope this helps!!! 

[Tiger Cub Tamer]

I am in the same boat -- Mr. Cub is almost four months old, and the only way I can get him to sleep is if I hold him in my arms with a pacifier while he struggles and screams.  If you didn't know any better, you would swear I was electrocuting him -- his body bucks and twists, he cranes his neck to see around my arm, and he yelps like he's in pain.  Once he's asleep, I wait until I think I can transfer him, but he'll usually stir awake once he's out of my arms.  So I will hold my hand over his face to block visual stimulation (sometimes I lay fingers over his lids to try to keep them closed), and try to keep the pacifier in his mouth until he re-settles. I'd say 60% of the time the transfer doesn't work, so I hold him again and repeat the process.  It is arduous doing this several times a day, and he usually only goes down for a 20-40 minute nap.

And this is at least progress -- we didn't know how to do this for the first 2.5 months, so instead we had an overtired insanity baby who never slept.

He will sleep at night in his crib if he's swaddled, but I try not to swaddle him all day, so thus we resort to the prison warden approach. 

This all leads me to wonder what would be so wrong with some limited use of daily sedatives for some babies....

[Hollyadmin]

I've always wondered why some babies fight sleep SO hard, when they are so desperately tired!! I definitely can relate to what you're going through. Although my son was so much fussier than my daughter, she fought sleep so much more than him.

She would be so extremely overtired and grumpy, but just refused to close her eyes. She wouldn't sleep in the sling, the stroller, the car, only in her crib. And then only after substantial efforts on my part. It got to the point that nothing I did would get her to sleep - I would rock her for 45 mins-hour and still she would be squirming and fighting sleep. So, I did CIO with her really early. I hated it, but I also hated how she wasn't sleeping. There were times I would be sitting outside her room crying, listening to her cry. Yuck.

It sounds like you're doing all the right things. With fussy babies it is really hard to see those sleep cues (yawning, fussing, etc.) so you really do just have to watch the clock. I don't have my heatlhy sleep habits book handy, but I believe at 4.5 months Weissbluth recommends putting them down for a nap every 2 hours or so (someone help me here?).

Have you tried soothing him, putting him down and letting him fuss for a few minutes? I'm sure you have. I DON'T like letting them cry, but some babies almost seem to need to let off some steam before falling asleep.

If all else fails, it may be worth cutting your losses at this point and just letting him sleep on you. There's no guarantee that even if he does learn to sleep on his own, he'll sleep longer than the 45 minutes. My daughter never did, even after CIO. I say at this age, do whatever it takes to get him some sleep.

I'm sorry, I wish I had the answer for you!  I know how hard this is!!

[sombrabella]

Thanks ladies 

I've tried almost everything to get my LO to sleep in any place but my arms. He wakes up immediately if I put him down and gets really upset, even if he appears to be sound asleep. He hates car seats and strollers, and is only happy in his Snugli carrier if he's not tired. He also hates swaddling or being confined in any way  What can I say, he's picky!

However, I read a lot further in the NCSS book and then went back and re-read some sections. I am starting to get some ideas about what might help my LO. One thing that Pantley stresses is to take things slow-lots of baby steps, and above all to have PATIENCE (ha! not my strong point even when I'm not sleep-deprived!)

DH and I decided to take E's crib mattress and put it on the floor.  I'm going to try sleeping on it with E so he gets used to sleeping in his room. Then for naps I'll wait till he's asleep then move off the mattress but stay close in case he wakes up. The goal is to eventually have him sleeping alone in his room.

 

[fbsurvivor]

My daughter hated confinement as well.  In fact, she still screams when we put her in her carseat (20 mo.). 

It's good to know that you are seeing some hope.

Remembering back, my husband was usually the one who moved my daughter.  I would nurse her in the side lying position.  She'd fall asleep and then maybe 30-50% of the time he could gingerly move her out and put her somewhere else.  He has a much steadier hand than I do.  I think we may have also put her on a blanket or towel and then used that to lift her.  We'd also keep her moving, rocking her as we moved.
I also remember when my daughter was using the co-sleeper sometimes I would just let her cry if I was tired enough and could sleep through it, but all the while I'd keep one hand on her.  My husband and I also alternated wearing earplugs.  We kept her in our room until we did the CIO at 14 months.
I totally agree with the slow approach.  It takes a lot of discipline, but even at 20 months I can see that with time my daughter gets accustomed to new situations.  Her first reaction is what they call the "negative response", but with time she'll ask for something that she had a huge negative response to earlier.
My only other suggestion is adding a little more to the bedtime routine, like reading books.  I think even at that age my daughter liked the lift the flap books with pictures of babies.  Sounds like you got some great suiggestions from the other ladies, though.  That's what I love about this site.

[Mbrown602]

My baby is 4 months now. It seems the older she gets, the harder it's getting to get her to nap and go to bed. We're getting to that point again where she hardly naps some days then she's real cranky at night. I think now that she has more awareness of the world, she wants to fight sleep.

Holly, I'm pretty sure Dr Weissbluth says they should nap once every 2 hours until they turn 5 months old. Easier said than done.

I notice my daughter has more trouble napping now downstairs in the swing. I think the noises in the kitchen and the tv on is starting to keep her up. I'm thinking of trying to get her to sleep in the crib for naps, but we already have trouble getting her to sleep in it at night so we'll see how it goes. If I could just get her to sleep in the crib as well as she does in her bouncer seat (which she's now growing out of) then it would be all good.

[sombrabella]

A little update...Elliot is now 5 1/2 months, and finally starting to take longer naps!!! Still sleeping in my arms though, or right next to me on the bed. I am learning that a good morning nap is key to better naps and a better mood the rest of the day (Dr. Weissbluth would agree). He goes down for his first nap about an hour to an hour and a half after he wakes up. Sometimes that's as early as 7:30-8 am! Seems a little early for a nap, I know, but if he gets a good 2 hours, which he usually does, he's in a great mood from 10am-noonish. From there on it gets tricky...he still takes 3 naps a day, but I think he's in the process of trying to drop that 3rd nap. This means he often wants to sleep right around dinnertime, which is inconvenient, but I have a patient and understanding husband thank goodness! He'll sleep for 45 mins or so, then wake up to nurse and get a bath, then back to sleep for the night at 7:30-8pm