High Need Infant

[alana.barnes]

Hello, everyone!  I'm new.  To everything.  I have a 6 w/o son,  AJ,  who I (highly) suspect to be high need. 

How soon did you all know that your child is high need? 

Is there anyone who has advice for caring for a high need infant?

[fbsurvivor]

The best thing is to read Harvey Karp's "Happiest Baby on the Block" and Dr Sears' "The Fussy Baby".  Then you can kind of tell if you think your baby is high needs or possibly has colic.  With colic there tends to be a witching hour around 5 or 6 that is particularly bad and there's a lot of crying for no reason.  With high needs they tend to be highly reactive.  I don't know, that's not quite the best way to differentiate.  I think my daughter was both.  She came out of the womb screaming and the nurses were amazed at her temper in the first hour.  On the other hand, in the first 3 or 4 months there was definitely a witching hour and she had a ton of gas.  It also seems like with the high needs babies, they get better, but there is always a little bit of it in their temperament.  My daughter at 18 months doesn't scream all of the time, but she can be feisty and she can get pretty mad.  I stumbled onto the high needs label late in the game.  I didn't read the book "The Fussy Baby" because I thought, my baby doesn't fuss, she screams.  When I finally read it, the description sounded just like my daughter.  I also wasn't on the internet because I was constantly trying to calm my daughter down and any other time was spent sleeping.
There's no easy answer, but learning all of the techniques in those 2 books helps, especially combining techniques.  One technique not covered is bouncing on an exercise ball with the baby.  We also lifted our baby up and down in big movements, as long as our arms could handle it.  We put her in her carseat and did big swings with our arms as well.  That's how crazy it was.

[alana.barnes]

Wow, that sounds hard!  Luckily, AJ isn't quite that bad.  I really don't think it's colic because it's not the same every night and he doesn't act like he's in pain and he CAN be consoled more easily than if it gets to fever pitch.  Also, I'm still sane.  If I watch his cues and make sure he takes a nap when he's tired (even though he just about refuses to in the evenings) it's not as bad in the evenings. 

[fbsurvivor]

Yes, that's what I remember too.  With high needs my daughter could be consoled, but unfortunately just for a very short time.  With colic it was just impossible.  My husband would just turn up the volume on the TV.  We tried all of Harvey Karp's techniques and in combo, and they only worked sometimes.  It's good that you are still sane. 

Sleeping is a big deal.  Unfortunately I wasn't very good at routines and my husband didn't go for them either, so it took hiring a sleep consultant at 14 months to get that straightened out.  You might try reading Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution."  At six weeks my daughter would only do 20 minute naps, so it sounds like you're doing OK.  It seems like these high needs babies really like structure, so getting a sleep routine down may really help you.

[alana.barnes]

I'm doing my best to do that.  I'm currently trying the Baby Whisperer's EASY structure, but of course some days are better than others.  I told my husband about 5 minutes before I read your post that we need to try that book, and I'm also going to look into The Fussy Baby Book and The Happiest Baby on the Block. 

I'm someone who does well with "schedules" so having AJ on one would benefit me also.  He sleeps well at night for 6 weeks so I guess I can't really ask for better than that.  He usually only wakes up once or twice before we get up for the morning, and sometimes I get to sleep until 8:00 or 9:00.  I worry about how that will change when I have to go back to work though and someone else keeps him during the day.  He'll be staying with my mother-in-law and I know she'll do her best to try to keep our schedule.