High needs Baby and daycare?

[civano]

I'm a SAHM currently but will have to use drop-in daycare at times likely or even full-time daycare if I decide to get a job. I'm curious how do your babies who are fussy (whether it be colic, reflux, and/or just high needs in general or a combination) do at daycare? How do you deal with this? Are your daycare providers understanding?

[Hollyadmin]

Well, my son has been in p/t childcare since he was about 20 months....before that he spent a fair bit of time with babysitters (since he was about 4 months old). I was always SO worried leaving him with someone else - not worried for his sake, but for the sitters!  But actually, he has always done WAY WAY WAY better with other people than with me. Especially if he with a bunch of other kids...he loved the distraction and activity.

How old will your youngest son be if/when he goes into daycare?

My hesitation with very fussy babies is that a daycare provider may not be as patient as you or I would...I'm not sure how you would tell this beforehand though. I guess choosing a daycare provider who is very experienced and older would be the best bet...

[civano]

I'm not really sure how old he'll be for regular care if I decide to pursue getting a job. For drop-in care, it could be anytime.

[Hollyadmin]

How is Miles with other people? Does he only want you?

[fbsurvivor]

Daycare has done wonders for my daughter, but we also have an amazing daycare provider.  Our daycare provider also had just dealt with a fussy baby.  My daughter has been in daycare since four months (now 17 months).  Honestly, daycare provides so much more entertainment than even my husband and two big dogs can provide.  It is pretty important to find the right situation, and hopefully someone who has dealt with colic or a fussy baby.  I don't know about drop-in care.  With consistently the same person who does well with your child it would be fine.  On the one hand, I find my daughter warms up pretty well to new people after a day or so, but on the other hand, I think the high needs baby really thrives on consistency and structure.  So, for me, finding a situation that the child does well in, but also one where they see those people on a regular basis at regular times is important.  I would be wary of anyone who is young and has not had children of their own, or of a place that was fairly inflexible.  I think partly what is great about our daycare provider is that she has a very laid back personality, but she also just adores children.  I think it is really helpful too, when you go with an in-home daycare provider, to meet their kids.  Are they well adjusted and happy?
My husband has trouble getting my daughter to come home from daycare.  It really is her second home.  Lately my dd is so into helping the new baby at daycare, that we have to let her take the doll (baby surrogate) from daycare with her into the car.  Now that my daughter is in a music class, it is so evident that she is super social.  She gets the other kids to dance with her, gives them things, and comforts them.

[civano]

How is Miles with other people? Does he only want you?

I think he has on and off moments with other people. Sometimes he's great and other times he's just as fussy as ever. I don't really see too much of a pattern with him yet but he's not usually around a lot of people.

[Hollyadmin]

I definitely feel the same hesitation as Laura (fbsurvivor) with regards to drop in daycare. Miles may do just fine, and may be distracted enough by the new kids and new environment, that he's not as fussy. But if he does need a lot of attention, and is very fussy with the day care providers, I would be a bit worried. I'm not saying this to scare you, but just something to keep in mind - fussiness and shaken baby syndrome are closely linked. A care provider who's a bit older, who has their own kids, and preferably who has had or worked with a colicky or high need baby would definitely be my preference, if at all possible.

[jiwel]

My daughter (now 18 months) thrives at day care.  She is bordering on high needs and was even kicked out of her first daycare.  It is surprising how well she does at a center with a group of kids to keep her entertained versus a small home atmosphere.  It hasn't changed her when she is at home but she is at least happy at daycare (usually 15 minutes after I leave) - she cries when I drop her off some mornings.

Good luck!

[crissy]

My son started daycare full time at about 3 months. He is in a licenced daycare but one that is run out of the daycare providers house. He seems to be doing very will with it. He loves the attention of the other kids and he is only one of two infants there, although the other infant is over 1year.

[fbsurvivor]

My daughter was also kicked out of her first situation.  It was a SAHM who was looking into becoming a daycare provider.  She'd never dealt with colic and my daughter got really bad by the end of the trial week because I accidentally ate garlic and when that got in my milk my daughter went from fussy to inconsolable screaming.  The woman went into a panic and was worried we would sue her because she couldn't put my daughter down even to go to the bathroom.  But the woman also was not prepared for how it was going to disrupt her own household and kids.  So, learning from that situation I would say experience is very important, especially someone who has dealt with a fussy kid.  Also, if you have a provider that just loves kids, they'll see the temperament as just the sacrifice you make for taking care of young children.  Our current provider is amazing.  She gives us free babysitting on the weekends.  She LOVES kids.  She did say in the beginning that my daughter was "a little hard", which I think really meant that she was difficult.  But apparently the previous baby was much more challenging.  So, experience, particularly with a fussy baby goes a long way.

What's so interesting is that both my daughter and the previous infant have turned out to be pretty active and independent, which confirms my theory that as an infant my daughter was just so frustrated that she couldn't do things herself and move around.  (And now we are dealing with the fact that she can't read her books herself. ) 

Also, my caregiver took only one infant at a time.  There was another girl who was 10 months old (my daughter was 4 months), but she was only part time.  I think that makes a difference.