sunshinebaby
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« on: April 14, 2010, 06:11:09 PM » |
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My daughter has the worst people anxiety I have ever seen...or heard of. When she was 2.5 months old she started recognizing dh and I and would become hysterical if anyone else tried to hold her. This included the family members and friends she saw regularly. I've been told so many times "it's a phase" that I could scream. Sure there were phases where it was WORSE, but it has never gone away. I would walk through Target with her in a sling (I wore her until she was 11 months) or sitting in the cart, and if we saw someone I knew who stopped to talk to us she would have a melt down. Do you know how depressing it is where people just start saying "your kid hates me, she cries as soon as she sees me". She never crawled, and didn't walk until she was 14 months old. I saw SOME improvement then, it seemed like having that independence gave her a little more confidence. It was after that point that she first willing let anyone other than dh or I pick her up. She is now 2 1/2 and there are still very few people she is really comfortable with, and then she'll make progress and then have set backs again.
I feel like I've lived the last 2 1/2 yrs of life on egg shells. She doesn't just "get over" things. Sometimes an anxiety melt down can ruin a whole day. Please tell me I am not alone. Has anyone had success helping their child with people anxieties? What has helped? I seriously feel like a hermit. Oh, and if one more person tells me that it is because I'm a SAHM that she's like this, and if she was in day care she'd be comfortable around people...sigh.
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fbsurvivor
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« Reply #1 on: April 14, 2010, 11:47:11 PM » |
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I don't have experience with this, but I know it is not about being a SAHM, because we have friends with a kid who is in daycare and she has pretty serious people anxiety and she's just past 2 years old. My understanding is that it could still be a stage at 2.5 yrs. I was also very shy, was in daycare, and I'm still shy in many ways. I think sometimes daycare can make things more difficult for a shy child. It sounds like you're doing everything you can.
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DolphineGirl
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« Reply #2 on: April 21, 2010, 09:34:53 AM » |
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I have no experience with it either. But my cousin's daughter has been like that. She was a very high need baby (even more demanding than my little one!) crying and screaming when she was a baby, only willing to sleep in his stroller while someone had to rock her. Anyway, we were visiting them quite frequently, and they were also coming to our place too. The girl cried each time they arrived and screamed if someone besides her parents wanted to touch her, or look at her. When she grew a little older (like 3, 4 years old) she practically ignored other people but her parents and her paternal grandparents. That's it! You could't touch her, you could not talk to her, because she would not communicate with you. Right now she is 7 years old, and things have improved. She is very talkative and there people she feels comfortable with. But she has some behavior problems at school. She really has a temper.
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fbsurvivor
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« Reply #3 on: April 24, 2010, 04:39:39 PM » |
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One thing I wanted to suggest for you is reading these 2 books: Baby Hearts: A Guide to Giving Your Child an Emotional Head Start by Susan Goodwyn Ph.D. (Author), Linda Acredolo Ph.D. (Author) and Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. Those 2 books both talk about kids with people anxiety.
Also, as someone who has struggled with shyness her whole life, I think a lot about how I would deal with it in my own child, and I think I would want to provide a ton of social experiences, but always prod my kid into those situations gently. I wish, also, that someone had tried to teach me social skills. I can see now with my extremely extroverted child, that it comes naturally to some people, but it doesn't to those of us who get into social situations and all we feel is anxiety.
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MDT
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« Reply #4 on: May 07, 2010, 04:37:54 AM » |
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My son seems to have developed the same anxiety. He likes who he likes and anyone else, he doesn't want to have anything to do with them. He has no problem with my husband and I and his great grandparents (they see him more than any other family members), but anyone else - family or not - he cries. I've also noticed that he has more of a problem with men and I have to wonder if that has anything to do with the fact that his dad is away half the time.
His great grandmother was watching him the other day and one of her grandkids was over with a friend. She said that the friend looked at the baby and said hi to him and the baby stuck out his lower lip in the biggest pout! It was a funny story to hear, but usually he cries with people he doesn't know well and it's both frustrating and sad at the same time. I just hope this isn't something that continues on for years. I guess the only good thing about it is that he won't be likely to walk off with a stranger when he's old enough to walk!
It is hard to go out in public because of it, but we can't sit in the house all day. It's just something he'll have to deal with and hopefully get over.
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sunshinebaby
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Posts: 33
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« Reply #5 on: May 08, 2010, 05:57:41 PM » |
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My son seems to have developed the same anxiety. He likes who he likes and anyone else, he doesn't want to have anything to do with them. He has no problem with my husband and I and his great grandparents (they see him more than any other family members), but anyone else - family or not - he cries. I've also noticed that he has more of a problem with men and I have to wonder if that has anything to do with the fact that his dad is away half the time.
His great grandmother was watching him the other day and one of her grandkids was over with a friend. She said that the friend looked at the baby and said hi to him and the baby stuck out his lower lip in the biggest pout! It was a funny story to hear, but usually he cries with people he doesn't know well and it's both frustrating and sad at the same time. I just hope this isn't something that continues on for years. I guess the only good thing about it is that he won't be likely to walk off with a stranger when he's old enough to walk!
It is hard to go out in public because of it, but we can't sit in the house all day. It's just something he'll have to deal with and hopefully get over.
Thanks for the suggestions. I def need to get those books from the library. It is "nice" to know there are others out there. |
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sunshinebaby
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Posts: 33
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« Reply #6 on: May 08, 2010, 06:01:56 PM » |
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My son seems to have developed the same anxiety. He likes who he likes and anyone else, he doesn't want to have anything to do with them. He has no problem with my husband and I and his great grandparents (they see him more than any other family members), but anyone else - family or not - he cries. I've also noticed that he has more of a problem with men and I have to wonder if that has anything to do with the fact that his dad is away half the time.
His great grandmother was watching him the other day and one of her grandkids was over with a friend. She said that the friend looked at the baby and said hi to him and the baby stuck out his lower lip in the biggest pout! It was a funny story to hear, but usually he cries with people he doesn't know well and it's both frustrating and sad at the same time. I just hope this isn't something that continues on for years. I guess the only good thing about it is that he won't be likely to walk off with a stranger when he's old enough to walk!
It is hard to go out in public because of it, but we can't sit in the house all day. It's just something he'll have to deal with and hopefully get over.
Thanks for the suggestions. I def need to get those books from the library. It is "nice" to know there are others out there. How old is your son? Sounds similar to my daughter. I've noticed that things get worse when we are stuck inside for a while, like after one of us has been sick. We recently went through one of those spells and it feels like we are starting all over again with people, sigh. I always tell myself that too, that she'll never run off with a stranger. lol |
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MDT
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« Reply #7 on: May 09, 2010, 04:24:11 PM » |
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He's just about 5 months old now. He's been acting strangely around people for about a month.
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sunshinebaby
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Posts: 33
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« Reply #8 on: May 10, 2010, 09:52:35 AM » |
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My daughter's anxiety started around 2 1/2 months, it fluctuated at times, but has never gone away. Stranger anxiety is a normal phase for most kids, your son may just be going through one of those phases. I would just try to be sensitive to his anxiety, but still encourage him to be around other people
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Hollyadmin
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« Reply #9 on: May 10, 2010, 02:12:53 PM » |
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Thinking back....my daughter was actually quite afraid of men as a baby and toddler. She would NOT go to a man she didn't know, and only ones she knew REALLY well like my dad. She is fine with them now...who knows why!!
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sunshinebaby
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Posts: 33
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« Reply #10 on: May 10, 2010, 06:20:52 PM » |
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Sorry, I meant to say that too. My daughter is definitely more likely to warm up to women. She's always been more afraid of men, even those she knows well.
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Hollyadmin
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« Reply #11 on: May 10, 2010, 08:12:17 PM » |
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That's so weird, hey? Like an inborn thing that makes them scared of men. I remember times when a man would come in the house and she would hear their voice, and she would immediately begin crying. Sammy prefers men. Yesterday I told him how happy I am to be his mommy (you know, a touching moment on Mother's Day)...his reply? "I like Daddy though". So typical. He also has no patience for women's sports...he sometimes asks 'is this a men's team or a women's team?', and if it's a women's team he complains that they're not men  |
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