First time mom, high need baby, nobody understands

[Lajohnson]

But I am hoping people in this group will My baby Nicholas is 6 months old now, born Feb 3rd and from day one he's been high need. I almost went insane the first 6 weeks because non of the babies I had ever been around acted like Nicholas did. I am an attachment parenting, breastfeeding, babywearing type mommy and am in hot water frequently with friends and family who haven't understood my parenting style, my desire to continue breastfeeding, and most importantly don't understand Nicholas' personality as a high need baby. My son has had slow growth that get's blamed on breastfeeding (I myself was a very slow growing infant and I was formula fed). The pedi we use is watchful of my son's weight gain but not overly concerned except for at his four month appointment when he had not gained enough weight due to a supply problem with me and we were already beginning to supplement. He is caught up now and back on track. At three months old I purchase the Fussy Baby Book and wow what a change in perspective it gave me. I began to understand more about my high need baby and how to cope with him. He began to gain weight better and I began to function better as a parent. I am really hoping that I can find a group of people with babies who has similar personalities who CAN understand what we deal with day to day with "fussy" babies.

[fbsurvivor]

Welcome.  Yes, we are a group of moms who get it.  My daughter also had pretty bad weight gain issues.  She didn't get to birth weight until 5 weeks.  You're sleep deprived and the doctors scare you and you're so susceptible.  It was a pretty painful time for me, but in the end she turned a corner and gained weight well.  She's been average for a long time.  The more stories I hear, the more I am convinced that there is a connection between the fussiness and the weight gain.  I always felt like my daughter had been screaming so much and the breast was so soothing that as soon as she got it she fell asleep.  Trying to wake her up would on work for a few minutes.  It was so frustrating.

I think all of us have felt how alienated you feel.  No one really gets it, even relatives because they only see it for short periods of time.

I had the same exact experience reading "The Fussy Baby" book.  Everything suddenly made sense.
I hope this web site is helpful in the same way for you.

[hm]

I can totally relate - relative and friends just don't understand what it is like taking care of a high need baby.  I was shocked to see how other 4 month old babies acted in my La Leche group...they happily laid on their blankets and batted at toys, while my son is trying to stand up/jumping in my  lap.  He refuses to lie down for any reason and I never have time to even take a shower (until husband gets home). 

[Hollyadmin]

Yes, we get it!!

People really can't understand unless they've been there. You almost have to prepare yourself for the fact that people won't understand, and may even criticize you. It sucks, but I guess that's life! 

People like to blame fussiness on low milk supply, lactose, allergies, spoiling, not enough sleep, attachment parenting, etc, etc, etc. But really, there are all sorts of parents who choose different parenting styles/feeding choices and that all struggle with these issues. It really can't be pinpointed to one cause.  We all do the best we can with what we've got!

[Lajohnson]

Whew, glad I have finally found a place where people DO get it.

I wonder about the connection to fussy babies and slow weight gain since I'm not the only one who's noticed this. I always chalked it up to the fact that 1)it was likely genetic and 2) all that crying and fussying in the early days was bound to burn off more than the average amount of calories.

Anyway. It's funny that I've tried to get my family members to read the book by Dr. Sears and none of them will even entertain the idea. They want me to read and follow other schools of thought and give up on this attachment nonsense because obviously look where it has gotten me... A fussy spoiled hold me all the time baby. *sigh*

One of these days they'll see.

I took of the bits of advice in that fussy baby book and started writing a diary and then started writing more on my blog and some of them have come around and are better able to see my point of view, especially when they read comments from other people out there in cyber space who AGREE with me and are more encouraging. It gives them pause at least and it's a great stress reliever for me too.