Hello, I'm the father of a fussy baby

[PatrickGSR94]

Hi all, am I the only father in here??? 

My wife and I just had our first baby boy, Riley, on 28 December 2009.  He's had the colic, and the acid reflux, since he was just a few weeks old.  Unfortunately we didn't think to try the swaddling until he was nearly 8 weeks old.  Those first few weeks were rough.  We tried having him sleep in our room in a bassinet, in the bouncy, in the swing, but he just would never sleep.  Finally we just had to put him in the crib in his room and he had done pretty well the past couple of months.

For the past 6-8 weeks now, since we started swaddling him regularly, he's only been waking once in the night, usually between 2 and 4.  However last week, he slept through the night nearly every night.  For some reason, though, this week he's been waking in the middle of the night again.  We thought he might put himself back to sleep, but it just hasn't happened, so I've gone back to the night-time feeding.

Since my wife is at home with Riley all day while I'm at the office, I try to help when I can at home.  I'm pretty much the one who gets up for the night feeding, have been for at least 6-8 weeks now.  There was a little stretch a few weeks ago where he would scream ANY time I tried to feed him.  Only momma could console him and feed him.  I felt so useless.     It was difficult, though, because she doesn't swaddle him as well as I do.  But lately he's been getting better about that, except once last week when she went out with a friend, and baby cried the WHOLE time she was gone (other than a 30 minute snooze).  He wouldn't calm down, wouldn't take a bottle or anything for nearly 4 hours.

So now (he'll be 4 months old next week) the issue is that the kid can't sit or lay still for one second, it seems, without fussing.  He's usually okay if you sit there with him, hold him, bounce him, talk to him, etc. but as soon as you put him down, he goes nuts.  It's really taking a toll on my wife since she is with him all day.  I want to help, but not sure what I can do.  Tonight I tried to make dinner (I cook most nights, yes I love to cook  ) so I set Riley in the bouncy in the kitchen while I cooked while momma took a break.  Fussing ensued, followed by screaming.  I had just fed him a few minutes before and thought he would take a little nap, but no dice.

Well I decided to lay him in the crib for awhile.  We needed a quiet dinned for once, and we're thinking he needs to learn that he can't have his way ALL the time.  I figured he would stop fussing and fall asleep eventually.  That didn't happen either.  When we went in there after dinner, he had spit-up or acid reflux or something all down his back and was laying in it. 

So now momma feels guilty for letting him cry like that, but at the same time she simply cannot hold him and entertain him 24/7.  What should we do?  He's scheduled for his 4-month dr appt. next week so I guess we'll talk to the doc about it.

OH YEAH, we've been using the muslin swaddling blankets for several weeks, but he always breaks out of it.  So we use that in combination with a "swaddler" that has a flap for his legs to fit into, and wraps around him with velcro tabs.  That helps keep the muslin wrapped around him, but he still usually works his way out of it by the time he wakes up in the middle of the night or in the morning.

[fbsurvivor]

It's great to see a father on here as I think sometimes the father's have the hardest time.  I'm so impressed that you are doing the night feedings.  That's great.  My husband is also the cook.  You're doing pretty well on the sleeping.  For a fussy baby to only be waking once a night at 4 months is great.  On the crying, I think it's too early for a baby to understand that they can't get their way all of the time.  I'm working on that with my 18 month old, but I don't think a four month old would really get that.  Since you're reaching the 4 month mark, have you read the book "The Fussy Baby" by Dr Sears?  If there's still fussy past 3 months, it's probably more than just colic, and it's a temperament issue.  The doctor probably won't be helpful, except to rule out anything medical.  If the child is healthy, they generally ignore the fussiness.  My daughter was just like that, scream and scream unless you held her.  We just ended up holding her all of the time.  There are some other techniques, like bouncing on an exercise ball and as you are hitting the 4 month mark you can start using distraction, like peek a boo and crazy faces.  My daughter also loved dancing.  But none of that lets you just put them down and do something else.  Have you tried the sling?  It didn't work for my daughter but has helped a lot of fussy babies.  My husband would hold her with one arm and meanwhile cook.  I know it seems dangerous, but it was better than screaming.  Also, Dr Karp demonstrates a forearm hold that was easier for my husband to do.  The other thing my husband did was strap my daughter into her car seat and do really big swings.  All hard work unfortunately.

[Hollyadmin]

Welcome! Yes, I think you are the only father on here. But that does have it's perks...you may find you get a little more attention because of it

It sounds like you and your wife have done a great job so far. I agree with Laura, waking once at 4 months old is great. Babies tend to go through phases where they will sleep through, then phases where they wake again, then back to sleeping through, etc.

I also have to agree with Laura in that if your little one is still fussy/needs lots of distraction & entertainment, etc., he may be what Dr. Sears calls 'high need' (http://www.thefussybabysite.com/causes/high-need-baby). Your son seems to fit many of these traits, just from what you mentioned in your post. That is NOT necessarily a negative thing - it may mean your son needs more attention now, but he will likely be a strong and independent little toddler, which is a fabulous thing. There are actually quite a few of us on this forum who have older toddlers and preschoolers who fit the 'high need' description to a t, and are turning out to be lovely and 'passionate' little people

Have you read the 'Happiest Baby' book/DVD? I'd highly recommend it. One thing I was thinking of with your son's sleeping is white noise...have you tried any?

[Tiger Cub Tamer]

Patrick,

I totally identify with your inability to put your son down for a minute (and how much of a toll it takes 12 waking hours a day).  I don't have any suggestions on how to change your son's neediness -- instead, try babywearing while cooking, or forgo cooking on weeknights.  After all day with my son, I let my husband deal with him in the evening while I take a break to figure out what we're eating that night.

Our son also turns into Harry Houdini each night as he struggles out of his muslin swaddle -- I laughed when you described the double swaddle.  But our son is younger than yours, so I don't have any advice on sleeping periods longer than 4 hours yet. 

--Tiger Cub Tamer

[nursemommy]

hi!!!

at 3 months, I got tired of having my son allllll the time in my arms or in a sling. So we bought a exersaucer!!!! the moment I sat him in there, I said to myself: there is a god!!!!!! he was calm, played while I had dinner, cooked, prepared meals, loaded the dishwasher, surf the net!!!! it took some practice for him to stay there for a while but now he just looooooooooves it!

our son also has a jolly jumper and a Fisher price vibrating chair. ( all things that moves and keep them  busy!)
our sone was like yours, could not be put down. we practiced and practiced and now he crawls alllll over the place and is a happy 7 months old!

good luck!