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topic discussed is really nice and surely i will contribute heare

topic discussed is really nice and surely i will contribute heare

i am not sure what to say on this,but i want to say its great

i am not sure what to say on this,but i want to say its great

This was the first post that made me laugh in recognition.. FINALLY someone who gets it. I often find myself avoiding talking about "how were doing" to avoid the ' i have hear it already, you have no idea, what do you know about "fussiness" advice that people dole out like it was free or something. And I also seem to avoid other parents that have "easy babies" because it make me resentful and makes my heart hurt even more because they just don't understand. I also avoid those situations b/c people are starting to judge me for what I'M doing WRONG and why my baby is crying. The other day I was in superstore and a women looked at me judgmentally( I hadn't slept the night before) because our daughter was crying, and all I could say was" WHAT?! babies cry!!" I honestly snapped at the poor women a little but really..  I'm so grateful to have ppl pout there that are going through the same situation!! It sucks for all of us, but at least we don't have to be so alone anymore!
KB.

24/7 mommy...

You have summarized the book I am currently reading. If you haven't heard of it, or haven't read it yet, YOU NEED TO!! Have you heard of the term Spirited child?? I hadn't until I had our daughter. She is a bit behind your son in age but it sounds like we are living parallel lives. The book is called "Raising Your Spirited Child" written by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. She talks about a different perspective that I hadn't thought of with our daughter, and a different way or parenting such high needs, demanding, spirited children. It might help. I had a GF steer me onto the book and now I am not so afraid of what is to come, and I have embarrassed the child we got instead of wondering if this will ever END or go away. I was once told that our children pick us as parents, and I never understood what that meant until Isla came into our lives. I couldn't imagine her being anyone else's child, I just don't the "average parent" would have been as prepared or patient with her as we have, and I's sure your son some how knew that you could handle him... in all of his greatness. 
Hang in there, and in the mean time. Come here and post when you need the support from parents that REALLY understand what you are going through, b/c we are all living it too.
Take care!!
 

I feel your pain!!
Our little girl is 13 weeks and is much the same. The Screaming is less, the crying is about the same and we have tried EVERYTHING!! so if you want some helpful hints about the things that we have tried, by all means. My theory so far is try something everyday, and remember you are NO GOOD to him if you don't take a few moments for yourself. If he's crying, as hard as it is to hear, he is going to cry anyway.. go brush your teeth, eat something, heck even change your clothes. He's not going to notice if your not there every second. The thing I say to myself EVERYDAY is that she is fed, clean, warm, safe, comfortable, and loved. I am doing my job.. she will let me know if you REALLY needs me.
Hang in there, and post often, this may be the only link to the outside world for all of us for a while, so we should stick together!!

Hello everyone,
Well I am here, so that means that I don't have one of those "magical - easy babies". I was blessed 3 months ago with a beautiful baby girl that we named Isla (I-la). We love her to pieces but so far are NOT enjoying the ride she is taking us on. I am a 30yr old mom, who planned this, researched, and was organized, even for a challenging baby, or so I though.  I have never in my life been so tired in my whole life. And I know that want new mom's say, but I really never sleep and neither does she. She is also a VERY particular little girl already, and I am a bit scared for whats to come. Isla is exclusively breast fed and that is the only thing I feel like I haven't failed at yet.
So I'm here because she doesn't let me out of the house. I have been away from her for 2 hrs or less 6 times since she was born, and most were a result of necessity for me or my sanity. She hates her car seat, stroller, carrier, sling and cuddly wrap. I cant take her for walks, she screams the whole time, I can barely have people over to visit. Needless to say Facebook, the internet and my Blackberry are the only links to the outside world that I have. I have a very small support system here in the city, most of mine and my husbands family live OOT, and the people that have tried to help out with her, she has made it vary clear that she wants nothing to do with it.
So I am here to find as much info as I can, meet some parents going through the same situation, and to help me, my husband and her cope through what maybe colick, fussiness or just a really "spirited" personality... we will see.
So thanks in advance for the support, and I look forward to meeting all of you.
Kelly.

Hi there,

I'm so sorry this is your experience of new baby.  Non-stop crying is the worst!  For most babies, there is a "calming" period that begins about 4 months, but if you truly have the high-need variety, this is not a timeline you can count on.

You mentioned that swaddling helps, but you're concerned about the heat.  Flick on the air conditioning, take off all the clothes, leave on the diaper and swaddle that baby!  They make swaddling blankets that secure (with velcro or extra long flaps) in case you have a squirmer who will work his way out of the blanket then start crying again.

White noise may help too.  Soothing music set to ocean waves or gentle rain...and don't be shy about cranking the volume.  A baby that's easy to startle can find it helpful for all the other noises (house creaking, doors opening, toilets flushing) to be covered by the music.  If it's still hot in the room, a fan might provide both a cooling effect and white noise for baby.

Of course, rule out medical issues.

I may be going out on a limb here, but don't worry too much if this unfortunate beginning is having you thinking forbidden thoughts and feeling guilty.  When we spent 22 months not sleeping (that's right, almost 2 years), I felt like the worst Dad on the planet.  Not only was the crying driving me insane, but I also had some thoughts and feelings I'm not exactly proud of.  Who can blame you?

You and Dad have to rely on each other.  This isn't ideal for either of you.  Better to hand off the baby than to go past the limits of your tolerance.  One night, when my wife and I were fried beyond extra crispy, we took turns holding the screaming kid for 5 minutes at a time.  I think that was rock bottom.

A lot of people will tell you it gets better.  They're right, it does.  Hang in there!

I have spent nearly 4 years with a High Need Baby (aka Ben).  I've looked up "colic" before, but only recently learned the term "high need," so here am I, having found my peer group at last.  Hi everyone!!  Oh, and sorry about your torturous parenting experiences.  Ben, our little bundle of noise, is our second.  Our first was pretty "average," though she tilts toward the high-need side of the force.  Let's say she's a 6 out of 10.  Ben's an 11...hundred.

Here's the definitive test for whether you have a high need baby:  they stay that way!  All babies go through phases of fussiness, so to be fair, a true "high need" individual isn't simply going to grow out of it.  I hear that "fussy" babies in impoverished places in the world will actually out-live (by percentage, not by killing) the non-fussy kind, because high need children are more insistent about getting their needs met. That's comforting.  I bet Ben would have fared well if that rapture date had been on target.

It would take forever to describe the 4 year experience (and counting...) of Ben.  As you probably know, a few minutes with a high need child are like hours with an average person.  So I'll summarize:

0 - 1 month:  Refused breastfeeding.  Reacted like the breast was leaching arsenic.
0 - 4 months old:  Screamed constantly, when awake.  Slept an hour at a time, max. Joy!
0 - 7 months old:  Screamed in car, from the second he was strapped in, to the time we arrived.  Made for interesting trips to grandma's, where daddy would arrive and immediately hit the booze.
7 - 22 months old:  Woke up 2 - 5 times per night screaming.  Each instance could last 10 - 120 minutes or more.  Does that even count as sleeping?
15mo - 3 years:  The Human Tornado:  "Learned" about his environment by trying to destroy it.
7mo - present:  "Nap Avoidant"  in the same way that gazelles "avoid" a charging predator.  Continues to protest naps like Greenpeace protests poachers.
24mo:  FULLY POTTY TRAINED!  High need babies are very smart, and competitive.  Hey, we caught a break!
15mo - present:  Doesn't stop talking.  Capable of sustaining an endless conversation with total strangers.  Actually, he's still at the Walmart chatting up the cashier.
2 years - present:  Teasing, hitting, biting...isn't this how you relate to other people?

I could go on and on.  So could he.

Even the term "high needs" doesn't quite cut it.  That would imply there is a threshold (however high) beyond which the child's needs could theoretically be met.  Our experience is more like, "limitless need."  You could take the boy to Disney World, get on every ride, buy every toy, play every game, and the next minute, he'll throw a fit because he can't have the blue straw that came with his sister's drink.

Also important is how a high need child can make a parent feel.  Far from "Father of the Year," I feel more like "America's 10 Most Wanted."  This is not the experience they describe in the books and magazines.  AND IT'S NOT CUTE!  AND IT'S NOT "WORTH IT ALL IN THE END."  IT SUCKS!!!!

Most of the time, I'd prefer to be at the job.  At least there, I have an office door I can shut, and no one will come banging, crying that his sister won't share the piece of dust she picked off the floor, and how that's not fair, and how it wasn't his fault he had to hit her. (sigh).  Now, if you'll excuse me, I hear crying in the distance...