“The moment a child is born,
the mother is also born.
She never existed before.
The woman existed, but the mother, never.
A mother is something absolutely new.”
I’d like to say I’m the boss. I’d like to say that after almost three years, I am finally getting the hang of this whole parenting thing.
Truth is, every day is a new challenge. And every day I find myself trying to decide if I should laugh or cry.
I have children who are full of spirit. They laugh and cry with more emotion than most other kids I’ve met. That results in the highs being really high, but the lows being really low.
Yesterday, for example, my older child, my wonderful daughter, was being incredibly disobedient. She was disobient to the point where I wanted to cry from frustration. She wouldn’t listen. She wouldn’t co-operate. Threats and punishment meant nothing to her.
So, while we drove home from the library where she had just made a scene, I said, full of anger, ‘Mommy is very dissapointed in you! You would not listen to me and you would not behave!’
In response, in her sweet 3 year old voice, she said “I’m sorry mommy.”
What am I supposed to do with that? Be okay with the craziness that happened just minutes before? Forgive all? Move on? Or, should I remain angry?
Regardless of whatever my head was saying I should feel, my heart melted. And as my heart melted, I got even more frustrated.
How can someone I love so much make me so frustrated?
I survived colic! So shouldn’t this be easy? I should have the patience of a saint, but I don’t.
What I do have now are those sweet moments to temper the frustrating ones. Which I’m grateful for. Which I rely on. The thing about parenting a spirited kid, or any child for that matter, is that they have a full hold on your emotions.
A great day can be ruined by your tantruming kid. But, at the same time, a horrible day can be saved by your child’s hug.
At the end of each day, I go to sleep knowing I’m a parent. Whether it was disciplining or playing, reprimanding or hugging, being frustrated or having my heart melt, I was a parent.
And, because I’m a parent, I fall prey to all of the associated frustrations and the trying times. But, because I’m a parent, I’m also privy to all of the rewards, the joys, the smiles, the hugs and the love.
That’s why my heart melts through the frustrations.
Because I’m ‘Mommy’.
Leslie lives in Toronto with her husband, her 2 and a half year old daughter and 6 month old son. She is presently on maternity leave and enjoying the hectic and harried life with two young children.
Photo Credit: Simmbarb
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