My Story of Life with a Fussy Baby

When Sammy was a baby, we felt like we were the only ones in the world who had had a baby THIS fussy (I knew about colic, of course, I just didn’t know a baby could cry literally every waking moment!).

We took him to several doctors but the only answers we got were ‘colic’, and ‘possible dairy intolerance’, and a pat on the back. We felt very much alone.

Sammy needed constant attention and movement, and even then, he would often cry. I can remember laying in my bed and being woken in the morning to his screams, and my stomach would sink because I knew I was ‘on’ for the rest of the day.

We would get up, pack up our things, and immediately go out for the day. We knew that if we could get him somewhere loud and busy, he would be better. Something about a constant, droning noise seemed to comfort him (we later learned about white noise, but didn’t have a name for it at that point).

Nights were a nightmare at the beginning. We thought newborns were supposed to sleep most of the time, but Sammy would usually sleep in 45 minute intervals, eat for 45 minutes, sleep 45, etc.

Feedings weren’t much better. I was determined to nurse him, but I never knew if he was getting too much milk, not enough, or if I was eating something that bugged him. He would initially be comforted by latching him on, but within moments he would pull off, scream, latch on, pull off, scream. I SO wanted to exclusively breastfeed, so felt incredible guilt at supplementing with formula.

Our dr. (self-admittedly) threw the book at Sammy. He didn’t know what could be causing the crying, so tried everything he knew. They put him on Zantac, in case it was silent reflux, told me cut all dairy out of my diet, try hypoallergenic formula, and do the 5 S’s (Harvey Karp).

In fact, one doctor grabbed Sammy from me to demonstrate the 5 S’s and I chuckled when even he couldn’t calm Sammy (later we did learn to use the techniques with GREAT success).

I think rock bottom for me was when Sammy was a few weeks old. I had gotten little sleep the first few weeks, and the stress and sleep-deprivation was getting to be too much. This felt completely un-doable to me, and at that point I would have sent Sammy back if there had been somewhere to send him.

The sleep-deprivation was taking it’s toll on my mind and body, and when I would sit or lay down to rest, I would hear him screaming (even when he wasn’t), and had a strange falling sensation. I knew I was on the verge of losing it.

The guilt I felt was absolutely overwhelming. I felt guilty for not giving my 2.5 year old daughter the attention she needed, for not being able to stop the crying, for being a failure at breastfeeding, for feeling like I didn’t love my own son. I remember my husband finding me curled up on a ball on our kitchen floor one day because the weight of the guilt had just become too much.

Not exactly what I pictured motherhood being like!

Needless to say, the first 6 weeks with Sammy were…difficult. Our first child had been a bit colicky and fussy, but nothing like this. It was hard enough with her level of colic (cried inconsolably at times, but usually only in the evenings). But this was a whole new ballgame.

Sammy cried so much, it seemed like he wished he had never been born. Truthfully, and you may think I was a bad parent, but at times I wished the same. Nothing was easy with him – feeding, diaper changes, sleeping.

He was not one of those babies you could set down in a crib or on a blanket, and watch them peacefully sleep. In fact, the only way I could get him to sleep any length of time was to wear him in a sling, or put him in an electric swing and put it on the highest setting. He slept the whole night swinging away! (I don’t necessarily recommend this, but we were willing to try anything!).

The *only* time Sammy stopped crying was when he was asleep or in the bathtub. We could usually buy about 20 minutes of quiet at night by giving him a bath. It was glorious! Imagine! 20 whole minutes where we could watch our son awake and not crying! It’s the little things 😉

We noticed a definite change in Sammy around the 6 week mark. The constant screaming and screeching seemed to have subsided somewhat, and we were left with frequent crying. Around 3 months, we noticed another shift. At that point, I would have classified him as a very fussy baby. Still needed to be carried almost all the time, still had some troubles feeding, but was now sleeping better at least.

For us, there had been nowhere to go but up. So while Sammy at 3 months may have been unmanageable for most people, to us this at least felt doable. We knew that he would sleep decently at night, which essentially gave us the nights off. Heaven! I remember putting him to bed one night at 9pm and thinking, ‘Wow, are we done already for the day??’.

The most significant change we saw in Sammy was when the very day he started crawling at 8.5 months. It was like he had finally gotten a little bit of independence, and could get to where he wanted to go. Suddenly, I found I could put him down on the floor, and he would crawl to the toy he wanted, and sit happily playing with it for up to 20 minutes. And THIS from the baby that could play for 2 minutes before that!