My name is Natasha and I am a postpartum/nursery nurse.
I have always wanted to be a mom. When I found out I was pregnant with our first in 08′ we were thrilled. I thought I knew all there was to know about having a baby since that’s what I did for a living.
I was the master of soothing babies.
I had Harvey Karp techniques down to a T. And swaddling? I was known as the swaddle master. I had a great natural birth and knew I was breastfeeding without a doubt – no ifs, ands or buts.
My healthy baby girl was perfect and looked just like me. Around day 2 of getting her home, however, she started crying. Swaddled, fed, changed, everything. It started at night and then during the day. If she was layed down at all she cried.
I got relief for 15 minutes a day when I blow dried my hair or when breastfeeding. She didn’t want to be held by anyone else. I called doctors and lactation consultants and they gave me every advice under the sun.
I had a forceful letdown and they thought it was crying from excess swallowing. I tried different positions and pumping first but nothing helped. I then made the torturous decision to give up anything dairy or containing the milk protein (which seemed like everything!).
I also cut out common gas inducing foods. Just when I thought it was working she’d start again. I got barely any sleep for 5 or so months straight. My husband slept in the other room, because as a navy aviator, he needed his rest before flights.
She would only sleep lying on my stomach or chest. I got very familiar with babywearing ad that was my only way of keeping her calm. There were days on end where I cried all day. I finally got some relief from the antidepressant Lexapro. After around 6 months she started smiling and things were looking up. She was soo much better around 9 months. I could finally enjoy being a mom!
When she was 20 months we decided to try and have another.
How could we possibly have another colicky baby? Right?!
I had another baby girl all natural and she was great. She even slept without being held. Well – For 2 weeks anyway.
The crying started just like it had with my first. At night, then all the time if not held, bounced or rocked. I had been through it before but I almost felt worst this time, like I was in the twilight zone.
How can this be happening again?
What did I do wrong?
Am I being punished?
I longed to be the mom who puts the baby in the carseat and just goes along with her life. Who could actually sleep. I just wanted to enjoy my child.
After colic all I can say is thank God it’s over and I can enjoy my children now. To women going through it I say babywearing was my savior and if it weren’t for breastfeeding I don’t think I would have bonded with my babies.
I am still breastfeeding my 19 month old and don’t plan on stopping until we are ready. I thank my husband for not divorcing me and sticking through it with me.
I hope my story helps other moms who are dealing with this to know they aren’t alone.