The Fussy Baby Site

I Feel Like My Baby Hates Me. Help!

sad baby, crying. Baby "hates" mom

This is the kind of blog post that probably wouldn’t do well on a typical parenting blog.

Better blog post titles for mainstream “mommy blogs” might be:

Top Reason I Love Being a Mom

7 Fun Activities You Can Do With Your Baby

5 Tips For Getting Your 3 Month Old To Sleep Through The Night

Wouldn’t it be great if these were your main issues/concerns?

Instead, many moms of fussy, colicky and high need babies struggle with issues like bonding, sleep deprivation, inconsolable crying and postpartum depression.

So, it’s not surprising that a sentiment that comes up frequently is, “I think my baby hates me!”.

It’s easy to feel this way with a high need baby. There are a few situations that lead parents to feel this way:

  • They can’t console or soothe their child (“Shouldn’t a mom be able to soothe her own child?”)
  • Their newborn cries and screams all day so there are few opportunities for positive bonding experiences
  • Their baby fusses and cries all the time while at home, but is content out in public
  • Their baby is an angel for grandparents and daycare (and maybe even cries when mom comes to pick him or her up)
  • Their baby cries all day, but then lights up when daddy comes home from work

If any of the above applies to you, you’re not alone! These are extremely common scenarios for parents of high need babies.

These situations are made even more discouraging and soul-crushing when YOU are the one meeting every single one of her freaking needs, all day long!

It’s hard not to take these types of behaviors personally when you’re spending every waking moment with your child – feeding him, getting him to sleep, wearing him everywhere you go…

Probably, in your gut, you know your baby doesn’t actually hate you. But it can certainly feel that way at times.

Why are babies so much “worse” for their moms?

If your baby doesn’t actually hate you, what IS actually going here? Why do babies tend to be so much grumpier with their primary caregiver?

It’s because you represent SAFETY. During your baby’s first months, you (usually, although sometimes dad), represent your baby’s primary attachment figure.

You are the person who not only loves him more than anyone else in the world – as in feelings of love – but who also provides every single life-giving necessity. Your child is utterly helpless without you. And despite how you may feel about your child or about being a mother, your baby loves and trusts you with utter abandon.

You are the one place he can let it all go, and cry as much as he needs to. When he’s tired, overwhelmed, overstimulated or uncomfortable, he innately knows he can “let it all hang out” when he’s with you. He knows you won’t leave him, no matter how “bad” he is.

Fussy babies live life intensely. Little things bother them, and they often have a hard time adapting and adjusting to the world.

Life isn’t easy for them, so life isn’t easy for you. 

But when you feel like giving up because you feel like you’re giving, giving, giving…without getting anything in return, remember that YOU are their safe place.

It’s an honor, if you really think about it.

It’s exhausting, frustrating and depressing too. But also a privilege.

You are the center of your child’s universe, and represent absolute, unconditional love.

This is a huge responsibility. Being mom to a high need baby can wear you down, right to your core. So get support whenever and wherever you can so you can keep giving without getting anything in return (for now).

I truly believe you have the most important job in the world. But you don’t need to do it alone! We are here to help.


The Fussy Baby Survival GuideIf you’re looking for more answers and guidance regarding your high need or fussy child, you might be interested in my ebook, The Fussy Baby Survival Guide. It’s jam-packed with information, strategies, stories and the full results of two surveys I’ve done of parents of high need babies.  It answers questions like:

  • How do I know if my baby is colicky, high need, or something else entirely?
  • Will my high need baby ever get easier? And if so, WHEN?
  • Is “high need” a real thing? Is there any research to back it up?
  • What are the most effective strategies for helping my high need baby sleep?
  • How do I deal with my child’s INTENSE tantrums?

Click here to check out The Fussy Baby Survival Guide now.

photo credit: nateOne Sad Baby via photopin (license)